I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

So, lucky me.
I get today and tomorrow off of work, although i have to work the rest of the week. I don't mind necessarily, because I need the money. But I'm so tired.
With that being said, two days ago I worked from 2pm-12:30am and then yesterday morning I worked from 7am-2pm. Didn't sleep mch last night, and now I am up at 5:30am on my day off. _-_

I need to weigh myself, but I am terrified that I will have gained weight. I already feel my BDD today, I don't want the scale to prove it.

I don't have any plans for today, nor do i really have any plans for tomorrow either. I am probably the only person ever who is that lame on their birthday. I don't even have money. I'm absolutely broke until I get paid in a week. #Adultlife

I want to cut so bad today... I woke up today and my bf said "yor breath makes me wanna throw up" and started coughing all crazy. I get so insecure when someone tells me I stink or my breath stinks, or anything.  I have tried brushing my teeth almost constantly, though it doesn't help.... apparently my breath still stinks. I did some research to try to find out WHY and all I got was that when you starve, your breath can stink because of your starving organs. I don't know... but it's all I have. Still. I want my blade.
How pathetic am I?

Posted by at

2 comments:

  1. BellaFebruary 12, 2015 at 3:16 PM

    Happy birthday! :)
    I never do anything for my birthdays either. I haven't had a party or hung out with friends or anything since I was like 8. My 18th I was stuck in bed, spent the day getting high and ate a hamburger for lunch. My 21st I can't even remember, let alone every other birthday.

    I'm sorry your boyfriend said that. He should know better. Regardless of the situation, thats not exactly a nice thing to say to someone.
    You can get bad breath if your body goes into ketosis. Or maybe it could have something to do with smoking. Have you tried Listerine? I know mouthwash kills certain bacterias that cause bad breath that toothpaste doesn't. Also, I use a toothbrush with one of those tongue scrubbing things on the back and that seems to help a lot.

    <3
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J (:February 13, 2015 at 6:07 AM

      I will try some of those things because I really hate having bad breath. It makes me so insecure. Xx

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)