I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Monday, March 16, 2015

...

Does anyone actually read this?
Does anyone actually care?
Or is it just me?
Is there a point to this?

An update?
I paid off both of my loans, and now am free of them.
I am thinking of moving in with my best friend and her boyfriend and my boyfriend so that I can be own my own.
However, I have the necessary $600, but I don't know if they will.
I have been working like mad. Close to 40 hours a week.
Buuuut all my money is going to shit. I don't have enough.
I still haven't done any school. The difference now is that I am lying and saying that I am making progress when I am not.
I'm pretty sure I am maintaining, but I won't weigh myself because I am depressed enough already.

I'm alone.
I have my boyfriend, but only to an extent. I am really alone in the worst way.
I feel so guilty. So sorry, for everything I do. I'm not worth it.
I have work at 5am tomorrow, and they just makes me want to cry. I don't want to go.
But I have to.

Does anyone actually care enough to read this? Is anyone there?

Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. cursum perficioMarch 17, 2015 at 3:31 AM

    I am here, and I am sorry that you are in such a dark place. Sadness can be so terribly crippling.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BellaMarch 17, 2015 at 12:14 PM

    I'm reading. I mightn't always comment, but I read every word you write, and I do care (don't remember if I've already told you, but I read your blog for some months before I actually started following, but took forever to work up the guys to say hi). But we are here.

    I hope your friends can get their shit together for this new apartment. Don't let the financial burden fall unevenly on you, especially with so many others involved.

    I'm so sorry you feel so alone. It can be crushing... you don't deserve to be in so much pain.

    Keeping you in my thoughts <3
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 17, 2015 at 1:04 PM

    I'm reading. I've been reading since you were 16. I'm older than you, but I see a lot of myself in you when I was your age. FWIW, things got better for me. They can get better for you, too. <3

    Melanie

    ReplyDelete

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