I feel so worthless.
Like a failure.
Like I am fat.
Like people shouldn't be around me because I am so negative.
Like a waste of space.
Like I wish I didn't exist.
Like I am not trying hard enough.
Like everything is my fault.
Like I am pathetic.
Like I am not worth the time of day.
Like my existience is too much.
I just want to disappear today.
I don't want to breathe.
Think.
Function.
I want to run and hide and wait till tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
But today just isn't good enough.
I feel hostile.
Like it's a mask to hide all of this.
To not let people know what is going on.
Like I don't want to burden them yet again.
Like I can't let anyone in.
I feel violent.
Like I am gonna snap..
I feel too much.
I just want to be numb.
Empty.
But I fucked that up too.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
I understand the feeling of not wanting to burden others. I'm struggling with it too. You aren't a fuck up, nor are you worthless! Try to take pleasure in the little things, like a sunny day or a hug from your bf. Hang in there, sweet pea. XO
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