Read All About It

I haven't posted much since the new year...

I started working at a restaurant recently, like within the last two weeks. At first the restaurant wasn't open, so it was just training. But then we had our grand opening and I expected it to be crazy, given the amount of people in my area who were excited for it to open.
There were a lot of people who showed up on the opening day, but overall it wasn't too crazy.
Since then I have been working about 40 hours a week, and I hope it stays that way. I need the money, at least for a month. Then they can cut my hours down.

I start school tomorrow too, so I have been prepping for that. I am going to try to finish the online course as soon as I can so I can register for the second course I need. After that, I will have my high school diploma, and I can go to college.

I feel super over sensitive, when it comes to my personal issues. It's like I want someone to tell me that things are getting bad, or to see it getting bad. Rather than me having to ask for help and explaining that it's gotten bad.
I want to be validated.
I was talking to a friend and mentioned the restaurant that I worked at. I mentioned that they had good food, and they inquired about my ED. I said it wasn't too bad, and this "friend" said "I'm glad it's not as bad as you were making it out to be at one point".... and I understand where he is coming from, but fuck. It is so triggering.
My ED is worse now than it was then, because I am a lot more deceptive now. I hide a lot more of my destructive habits now from those that wouldn't understand. I am self destructing in my own hell, and nobody can see it.

I am far from skinny though. I swear to fucking god, that is the only thing that will prove that I am not okay. The only way to ask for help is with my body. I guess I have to be in enough pain that it shows on the outside in order for me to get help.

There's this song called "Read All About It" by Emeli Sande and I just discovered this song today... but I have been listening to it on repeat for the entire morning. I love the lyrics.. and the melody of the song. This is where I originally found the song, but here are the lyrics.

I have also been reading a book called Tilt by Ellen Hopkins. She has written a number of books, and if you have never heard of her, I would suggest you check them out. They are amazing books.

Anyways, that's my update of the day. Ha. Not that it matters.