I've been feeling more lonely than usual, more isolated. It's been rough for me... I really haven't spoken to anyone in a few days at least. Some days I eat a bit and it feels like a binge. Some days I eat next to nothing. I can't bring myself to continue weighing daily because it is causing me way too much stress. But right now I am kind of in the midst of damage control.

I saw a higher number on the scale a few days ago and it kind of freaked me out. Since then I have just been fasting and working and trying to get back down to where I feel comfortable enough to weigh myself.

I broke my toe the other night because I was being kind of stupid.... it hurt like a bitch but I guess I am okay. Oh, and I relapsed the other day too. My boyfriend doesn't know about the relapse... and I don't want to say anything because he would just be upset.

I also kind of quit smoking, I'm scared of this because I don't want to end up eating more, and yes I did use cigarettes as meal replacement. So the possibility of my increased intake is high. I need to lose weight, not gain it.

Otherwise I am surviving. I'm growing tired of work, but that could also be from being hungry all the time. It makes me grumpy sometimes. My work sells this fresh bread and oh, it smells so good. What I wouldn't give to buy a loaf while it is still warm out of the oven and eat just a little. I have been trying to figure out how to incorporate it into my daily intake for weeks now but so far I am unsatisfied. So O haven't bought any bread.

I wish I had a friend. Or at least one that wasn't so hard to get to. I feel so alone. And I don't know what to do about it. I just want these feelings to fade already. I would rather be numb. Anyways.