Moving Forward

So it seems like I'm on a roll here.

There was fucking up with A, who won't speak to me now. I've tried several times and gotten basically no response.

Then there's another guy, C, that my roommate is trying to set me up with. The only thing is.. I'm not interested. If anything, he and I will just be friends. But I'm not even sure that's a possibility right now. I met him for the first time yesterday, and I suppose it went alright.  Not too sure what to make of him though.

I'm trying to talk to my boyfriend, but so far that's just not happening very well. The thing is.. I liked being able to have some fun, however wrong it may have been under the circumstances. I don't necessarily regret what I did, just how I went about doing it. I've realized the reality of this long distance relationship. It's had positive sides, but it has had negatives too. But essentially it all comes down to what I need. I need someone here, who I can actually be with and see. Right now, I don't have that.

So next chance I get to talk to him, hopefully I'll able to figure this out.

I'm starting to get really tired of hiding all the time. Hiding my scars, hiding my pain. I was in a t-shirt yesterday and my roommate saw my lower forearms. She made some comment to the effect of "I hope you're not doing that anymore." I said I wasn't. I lied and told her that it had been 7 months to a year since the last time I cut or burned. But it hasn't. She mentioned how she has seen my upper arms, which is where the deeper scars are. Usually I'm always in a hoodie and hiding me. When I sleep is the only time I don't think about hiding them. But she said she was in my room while I was sleeping and saw them, and I freaked. For one, I have a phobia about people being in my room while I'm asleep, but also because my roommate has some sir of fascination with my self harm. When I first did the deep one on my thigh, she wanted to see it. While it headed, she wanted to know everything about it. The ones on my arms, she wants to see. Which makes me really uncomfortable. They're my cuts for me.. As stupid as that may sound. But I always have to hide them because they make everyone else uncomfortable. They act like they're afraid of me. And that just makes it worse.

My dad also admitted yesterday to going in my room while I wasn't there. I have some serious privacy issues, because that was the one place I shouldn't have to hide everything about myself. But apparently, now I do.

Am I overreacting, or do I have a right to be upset?

I'm ready for the weekend. I currently haven't got plans, though I'm trying to make some. But I'm also going to rest for a little while I can before next week. It's hell week, since it's right before spring break. I'm slightly excited for spring break, though I haven't got plans for that either. No definite ones, at least. I'm probably the most boring teenager ever.. I don't do really anything.

I'll have to try to fix that. (:

I don't know what my weight is. I'm right on the boarder between two different chunks of weight, and I can't seem to he past it. So I'm gonna give IF a shot, seeing it can help. I just need to lose around 4 lbs with IF and then it should creak my plateau. Wish me luck?

Have any of you (if you're reading this) hear if the song Pompeii by Bastille? The first time I listened to it, I didn't think much of it. Then heard it again, and now I'm addicted to it. I can't stop playing it on my iPod.

But I always need new music, so if you have any good songs, leave me a comment? It'd be greatly appreciated. (:

Anyways, that's my long-ish update for now. It turned into a little bit of a rant, but if you managed to read through all of that, I give props to you.

I need to remember this!! ^^