I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Holy Shit

So I ate a little this morning at like 1:15am (I know how bad that is) but at the time i didn't pay as much attention as I should have.
I fasted today entirely aside from drinking a little bit of soda to keep from passing out.
But fuck!!!
I calculated the calories and am absolutely horrified. Holy fuck.

I didn't exercise much today, because I was fasting. My BMR is apparently 1570-something.... and my total cals are less than that...
I'm freaking that I won't see a loss tomorrow.... and even that I won't have burned all off it before I sleep, and therefore I don't deserve to sleep.
Bad, bad J.

Fuck me.

Posted by at

5 comments:

  1. LeeTiger28September 19, 2014 at 7:58 PM

    It's gonna be okay. Maybe today won't be a good day, but that will just be more motivation to make tomorrow a better one. You deserve to sleep, your weight doesn't get to define you as a person. Hang in there.
    <3 Lee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J (:September 19, 2014 at 8:35 PM

      It does, though..

      Delete
    2. LeeTiger28September 19, 2014 at 11:27 PM

      You are so much more than the number on the scale, which is cliche, but true. You're funny, you're smart, you take care of yourself, and you bring your boyfriend mounds of happiness. You are worth something as a person, no matter your weight.

      Delete
    3. J (:September 19, 2014 at 11:51 PM

      I wish the number on the scale didn't define me, but it does. Maube one day it won't. But i can only hope.

      Delete
  2. AVYSeptember 21, 2014 at 6:35 AM

    You always deserve to sleep.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

    ♥

    ReplyDelete

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