Day 30: Do you have any saved text messages? If so, who are they from and why do you still have them?

Haha I have a lot of saved text messages.... well okay, not a lot, but enough! Let's see.... I'll just make a list.

There's really only two in my phone right now.
One set is from my friend Alex. She helped me through it the other day when I binged and purged, and couldn't take it. When I hated myself, and pretty much had a meltdown. She talked to me all through the night, and helped me figure some things out and get back on track. She made me realize that if I mess up once, it doesn't meant that i'm Bulimic or Anorexic again, it just means that I have to find the trigger, and accept it. I have to move on, work around it. It was a long conversation, like 111 messages.
I keep it because now in the days following my fuck up, I can read them and remember why I am fighting for recovery, and to be healthy. They remind me that I shouldn't hate myself for messing up. It's just to look at for some inspiration when i'm feeling low about my weight or something for now.

The other person that I have saved text messages from is Cimiron. This is because I can look at them now and they make me smile, when i'm having a bad day. I mean since he lives so far away, It isn't like I can see him every day, so I keep the little things he may say from time to time to give me a reason to smile. It always works. One thing he does without actually trying is that he helps me love myself. I know that sounds really weird, but when i'm having a bad weight day, I just think that he loves me, everything about me.
And if he can love me for everything I am, then I should be able to love myself. And most of the time, thinking about that takes my mind off of whatever it is that i'm stressing about. So they just help me keep a positive attitude, and besides, I love him. So they give me reasons, to smile as does he. (He's the screensaver on my phone and he very much dislikes it. (: But I don't!)

Day 29: A picture of your pets and describe them!

I have two dogs, a whit German Shephard husky mix, and the other is a black and white Malamute Husky mix. They are mother and son, the white one (Nikki) being the mother. The son is named Bigboy, and they are the best dogs in the world!!! (:

My puppies!!! :D

Day 28: Something you could never get tired of doing.

I could NEVER in a million years get tired of  listening to music. It is my favorite thing to do. Every chance I get, I've got my headphones in and my music blasting, and i'm either singing along, or dancing, or both :D
I never get tired of it, music is for everything. I love to play music, listen to music, etc. Though I have no ability to write music. Yet. :D :D I can't live without it.

Day 27: My favorite musician and why?

I have a lot of favorite musicians.... But here's the top two! (:

1. Demi Lovato. I know that a lot of people don't like her, that they think she has a cookie cutter image, or that she just doesn't act real. But I love her and her music because it's not lyrics about falling in love, or getting heartbroken. Everyone can sing about that. But Demi has a lot of emotion in her music, and it's real to the point that you can see it. I don't know how to explain it, but I just love her!

2. Ozzy Osborne. He is amazing, I love his music. I grew up with his music, and his rock. I am not entirely sure what it is that I love about him, but I can remember back when I was really little, the first song I ever loved by him was "Dreamer". I memorized the lyrics to that song, and I sung it everywhere I went. It was my favorite song because it described exactly where I wanted to be, what I thought of the world in a way that even I couldn't think of at the time. This is gonna sound really cliche, but it spoke to me. It meant something to me, and to this day, I listen to and love that song.

Day 26: If you had $1,000,000 to spend, how would you spend it?

Hmm, first i'd buy me some music off of Itunes (:
Then i'd probably put about $300,000 aside for college, a car, a place to live.
Then i'd give some to my grandma, to pay her back for taking care of me, and the rest would go to charity.

Sorry there's not much detail, i'm tired as crap. Good night.

Day 25: Something that you miss

Hmm... Something I miss..... Does Cimiron count?
If he does, then he's the one person I miss right now.

If he doesn't then uhh..... I miss summer. I miss being able to sleep in, I miss being able to go to bed late, hanging out with friends, going to Denver, not worrying about anything. I miss being so free, and with the start of school, it also means that Winter will be around soon, and that means cold.
I like cooler weather, but not cold weather. I don't know why.

Day 24: Your favorite movie, and what's it about?

My favorite movie hands down is V for Vendetta. If you've never seen it, here's a short summary.
A shadowy freedom fighter known only as "V" uses terrorist tactics to fight against his totalitarian society. Upon rescuing a girl from the secret police, he also find his best chance at having an ally.

Day 23: 20 Random Facts About You

1. I love cheesecake, even though it's bad for you :D
2. My favorite color is yellow.
3. My middle name is Jazzman.
4. I open up to people pretty easily, and I hate it!
5. I cannot hold a grudge to save my life.
6. I'm 5'8" tall, I think.
7. I've never tried Frozen Yogurt.
8. I love to say Yogurt in a British accent. :D
9. I technically died when I was five, while at the Dentist.
10. Due to fact number 9, I am inadvertently TERRIFIED of going to the dentist, to this day.
11. I love to read.
12. I have horrible balance, and therefore trip over my feet about 20 times a day.
13. You wouldn't believe it from looking at me when i'm with my friends, but i'm horribly shy, and I hate social situations unless I have a friend there.
14. I often get irritated with people who can't have an actual conversation with me.
15. I wish I owned a Puffer fish. Better known as a blowfish.
16. I am an amazing liar, but I never lie to people that really matter to me. Which is like 2 people. If you lie to me though, I may just give up on not lying to you.
17. My favorite letter of the alphabet is E.
18. I don't really have a religion, but if I had to have one, then i'd say that i'm Wiccan. I do practice occasionally, but not every day.
19. I love to dance in public, even though I can't dance to save my life!
20. I never cry when i'm upset or sad. I only cry if i'm pissed off. And rarely am I ever mad enough to cry.

Day 22: Bullet your whole day!

My day wasn't too interesting, seeing as I had school, but here it goes.

• Woke up at 6 am. Got dressed.
• Ate some cheerio's for breakfast.
• Packed all my stuff for school.
• Went in and said hi to my puppy.
• Grabbed my Ipod and left for school.
• Got to school and walked inside to the Counseling Office to change my Schedule.
• Then realized I couldn't change anything, so I went to the rest of my classes.
• Left school and went to the store to get some sandals to wear to a friends wedding this weekend. (:
• Got home, was hungry so I ate some grapes, and some cheese and crackers.
• Got on the computer, and started writing my story, writing a blog post, and talking to Cimiron.
• Ate Dinner. I had noodles, with Garlic Bread.
• Read a book called Stick Figure: A Diary Of My Former Self by Lori Gottlieb.
• Took a shower.
• Heading off to bed to get up early in the morning for school! Yay! (:

Day 21: A photo of something that makes you happy!

Hmm...... What makes me happy?

A LOT OF THINGS!!!! Here's a few!

MY VIOLIN!!!!! I love my violin so much!

Music ALWAYS makes me happy!!!

Beaches are very nice, you can't not smile at the view! (:

Day 20: The reason behind your blog name!

There wasn't really ever any reason behind my blog name, actually, other than just wanting to make it as much me as possible. My blog was created as a space to vent, to put it all out there, so that when I look back over it, I can see where I've been, how I've changed, how I handled certain situations. I guess that was just my way to creatively name my blog, and now it is where it is. (:

Day 18: A book you could read over and over again and never get tired of

That's easy! I could easily read Acheron by Sherrilyn Kenyon over an over and over again, without ever getting tired of it!

Day 17: A picture of your celebrity crush and why you like them

I guess if I had to pick one, it would have to be Adam Lambert. I love his music, who he is, just him in general. :D

Day 16: Your highs and lows of this past year

Hmm... that's hard. I guess you could say that there is so many, that it's hard to choose which to put down. Or the most important I guess.

Highs:
1. Starting recovery from Bulimia
2. Getting to spend a summer with Cimiron
3. Not getting a job!
4. Getting to hang with my friends.
5. Dying my hair purple and Blue :D :D :D
6. Getting to be my wild, crazy, immature, spontaneous self!!! (:
7. Getting over my fear of rollercoasters :D

Lows:
1. Still struggling with Bulimia.
2. Cimiron leaving.
3. Not getting a job.
4. School starting again.
5. Getting kicked out of my house.


That's just a few, there's more, but I guess those are the most important ones.

Day 15: Something you don't leave your house without

I never leave my house without a few things.

• My phone. (In case my ipod dies)
• My ipod.
• Pants.
• A shirt.
• A smile.

These are the things I cannot leave my house without. I have to have my music, because that is what I do. I always have a song for everything in my life, and music is my life. (:

Day 14: Your earliest memory..

Hmm.... That would be hard.....

I guess my earliest memory would be when I was about 5, and we were at my house. I was laying in the living room near a heater, because it was cold. I was building this castle type thing, and I was so proud. I went to put the last block on the top, and it fell over! D:
Hahah now I just laugh about it, but back then, it was the end of the world. I jumped to the floor, and started having the biggest temper tantrum I'd ever had. I was beating on the heater with my fists, throwing blocks across the room, crying, screaming, the whole ordeal. It was horrible, then at least. Now I just kinda laugh about it. (:

That's my earliest memory!

Day 13: A photo of somewhere you'd like to move or visit

I'd love to go to Hawaii.... Or even to New York... Here's some pictures! :D
I've actually visited Hawaii, that's where I got the photos, but i've never actually been to New York. (:

New York!!!

New York at Night!!

Beautiful Beach on Maui :D

Waterfall!! ^ ^

From the side of Mount Haleakala

Crater of a volcano!

MY BEAUTIFUL BEACH!!!!! I will see you again... soon...

Day 12: A photo of the town you live in

I went to Denver today, which is basically where I live, and took a ton of photos. I'll just post a few here for this!! It was a great day with my best friend!!

Robo Man!!!

Free Piano to play!!! :D

This is finally my town! Pretty Clock Tower!!

My best friend riding a buffalo!!

Day 11: Put your Ipod on shuffle and name the first 10 songs that pop up

Well, I'll do what the title says!!! Here it goes!

1. Pirouette by A Loss For Words
2. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
3. Pressure by Paramore
4. Follow The Signs by Born of Osiris
5. One Last Time by My Darkest Days
6. Broken Heart Still Beating by The Darlings
7. Whatever by Godsmack
8. Lost by Within Temptation
9. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen
10. Perfect by Simple Plan

Well that's quite a variety of songs, hmm..... Ironically, all from my favorite bands!

Day 10: A photo of your favorite place to eat!

Hm.... That's kinda hard to pick.... but if I had to pick, then i'd say RIB CITY!!!! :D