Zombie Crawl!

My Zombie Crawl dress before destroyed!

K and I's makeup

Zombie!

Batman!

At first, I thought these guys were fer real..

This was a man...

Mondays normally suck...

But not today! (:

I feel like I can really start kicking this thing in the ass. Like getting back on top of school, trying not to let my anxiety and ED get in the way of everything.

I need the distraction.

I am so sore from Saturday, and it's a good kind of pain. Every time I take a step, or get up, or move at all really, it hurts. But that just means that I've started to build muscle really. Not that that was my goal, but yeah. It is kinda nice, because when I start Winterguard again, it would be nice to not have to go through all the pain of building the muscle.

I'm thinking of going to the library after school to work, to finally get all my work done. I've got an English Essay I forgot to turn in on Friday... So I am for sure going to turn it in today. Even now, as I write this, I'm doing Psych homework.

I've gotta say, it feels kinda nice to get back to doing my work. It gives me a purpose, something to work towards. Instead of allowing me to wallow in my head, I can actually do something. I got this.

Wow. Mood change much?

I guess it's not a bad thing, as now my mood is good, happy, strong, etc. But nonetheless, that was a huge jump from the last few weeks. Maybe I'm not such a negative person. I can be positive too!

Today, I realized that all in all, I don't have that much work to do. I guess I haven't missed that much, in my time of inhabiting my head instead of the outside world. So basically, tuning out the world. Not giving a fuck.
So I'm gonna try to get all of my work done and make this week the least stressful week, so I can have more time to exercise more time to relax. (:
I've realized, just now, that i'm tired of being sad, angry, upset, negative, etc. all the time. I need to laugh, and smile, and be happy, but without my friends. That, I need a break from. Just for a while. I can do this. I will get that girl back, and life will be worth living again. It just takes time.

I'm really in need of some new music, so if anyone has any suggestions, comment below please! I listen to pretty much any kind of music, but not so much rap. Even that's iffy though, as I've begun to love "Till I Collapse" by Eminem. Weird, right?

Not entirely sure where my good mood has come from, but whatever! I'm just gonna go with it!
Hope everyone has a good day, I'll write more later, as well as post pictures from Homecoming and the Zombie Crawl! ^_^

I like the message, but the guy in the background is a little.... stupid.
Like that's the only reason the the main reason why we all hold on.
I disagree.

I won't give up (Even if I want to)

Today has just been an eh day.

I was supposed to hang out with my friend, but those plans fell through. So I decided to go to the store and buy a muffin. I wasn't hungry, but I knew I would be later, and I didn't want to eat what we had or would go get. Because it's all bad for you!
I didn't want to spend the rest of the night hating myself for eating badly. So I got a muffin. Not bad. Had more calories than I would have liked, but as I ate less than I'm supposed to today, it can't hurt.
So I've eaten for the day, now I don't have to worry about it. I tried to get homework done today, and I have a project to turn in, as well as a book club project for English, which I have to give to someone to turn in, because I won't be in school for the next week.

Yup. I have Outdoor Lab, and I have to go on Monday.
I.
AM.
TERRIFIED.
I want to just say no, I don't want to do that, but that would mean a failing grade, and that's something I can't have. I need this for my GPA and for the community service hours. Woo for self-imposed pressure!
I am trying to distract myself, but nope. No solace to be found. I have to get a whole bunch of stuff for it tomorrow, and my dad doesn't want to do it yet, which means I can't pack. And I have to be there at 6:45 am on Monday, so that means I have to get up at like 5 or 5:30. NOT looking forward to that. But it's only a week. I just have to keep repeating that.

Now here's for the fucked up part. And I wouldn't admit this to anyone, but it is my blog, and it's for my thoughts, so I shall write. One of the good things about going to Outdoor Lab is that I can't be "forced" to eat anything. I can choose to eat, or not to eat. And I will probably choose the latter. I haven't weighed myself the past like 2 weeks, so I don't know if I've gone up or down, which makes me really anxious.
What also makes me anxious, is that if I decide to write in a notebook while I'm up there, what happens if someone reads it? I know it's stupid, but the thought of someone reading it scares the shit out of me.

Why can't I just be okay?
Why can't I be normal?

I don't want to be around any of my friends, not even my BEST FRIEND because I feel like I'm too negative, like she's tired of hearing me feel like shit. Like it's my fault. Who am I kidding?? It IS my fault. So that's why nobody wants to be around me.
I don't even want to be around myself. I don't deserve the amazing family and friends I have. Okay, they all suck... but you get what I mean. I don't even know. I wish I could just go away.
I feel so down, so frustrated about everything. I don't want to be around people, but at the same time, I wish I could be around someone without getting so irritated over the smallest thing, because then it'd take my mind off of everything, if only for a little while.

I feel so attention seeking, even though I don't think I am. I don't even know. Maybe there's something wrong with me.
I wrote a poem yesterday, the first time I've written in over 6 months. Or written because I WANTED TO not because I HAD TO. It wasn't a happy poem, but it had to do with my mood. So I guess I can't say too much. I might post it here, if Antoine's interested.
Though after the last few weeks, It's a wonder that anyone would care to read my blog. Or that anyone would care enough to even comment. Or support me.
I thought about the cycle of life and death yesterday and the past week. How life is something that's supposed to prepare you for whatever is after you die, but at the same time, everyone says that after you die, things get better.
It's interesting that people would think of it that way.

I may want to give up, but some part of me must not want to, because I keep finding a reason to fight, even if I don't know what that means.
I haven't been running in like 2 weeks, I can't seem to find the energy or the motivation. I just want to be alone, but I don't at the same time. Doesn't that make me a hypocrite? Maybe.
So this totally turned into a ramble, wow. Just wow. Congrats if you made it through all of this.
I might try to go for a run tonight. Maybe that'll help.

This here is one of my BEST FRIENDS. She has not always stood by my side, but she will always be my best friend. She also saved my life, and for that, I owe her over and over again. I don't know where I'd be without her. <3

Pictures!

I am able to post the pictures I took of the party thing we had for upperclassmen last Thursday. It's a bit late, I know, but I loved it and wanted to share it! So here they are!

This is the Weight Training teacher. :D

I also had some pictures from when I hung outwith Kassidy! We tried on a few dresses, and I took a picture of one I really liked. :D

This is my homecoming dress. I love it, even with my weight. :D

I am completely in love with this leather jacket. I didn't think I would be, but it's amazing and now I want it :D I don't know why I want it so much, I just do.

Today!

Today was great! Though weird.... Allow me to explain.
I only had 3 classes today which were Psych, Chem, and History.
In Psych, we got to watch a movie, in Chem, we got to do a lab, and then in History we did a worksheet but then got to leave early, as there was a party in which only upperclassmen. Yay for being a Junior!

I got some free food and I got to hang out with friends, and I got to leave school about an hour early, who could object?!? And since I don't have any homework, I have the night to just read and listen to music, go for a run, enjoy my life. And since it's almost Friday, I'm in a really good mood!

I haven't spent much time in my head today, which is great! And it was sunny outside, so I got to sit outside. I'm currently reading a wonderful book, but I forgot the name, so I can't say what it is. I love when I have a good book and it's nice outside and I can just sit there and read. Or if I have good music. I'm still looking for new music... if anyone has any suggestions. (:

Today is a wonderful and amazing day, and now I'm off to go for a run, eat some yogurt, and also to enjoy my night!

Meh! Happy days! ^_^

Day 29: A picture of your pets and describe them!

I have two dogs, a whit German Shephard husky mix, and the other is a black and white Malamute Husky mix. They are mother and son, the white one (Nikki) being the mother. The son is named Bigboy, and they are the best dogs in the world!!! (:

My puppies!!! :D

INSPIRATION!!!

THIS MADE MY DAY!!!! :D

Everyone deserves to be loved, to be happy, to have a chance to live their life on their own terms. Nobody is worthless, degradable, or a piece of shit. EVERYONE is AMAZING. In your own individual way. Never let anyone tell you otherwise!!! (:

The best way to live life (:

Great Motto!!!

Try to keep this in mind!

Gotta love Bob Marley!!

LOVIN' IT!!!