I know it's gonna happen again.

I'd give anything for it not to, though. I am terrified of going through that again. But what can I do? I can starve, but I know how unlikely that is.

I need to meet up with Jenny again. She's the only thing that can keep my appetite at bay and prevent it from happening again. But I don't have any way to get some.

I'm out of laxatives, and right now I haven't got money to buy them. I'm actually quite desperate. I've thought of stealing them... Oh how easy it'd be. 

I'm probably not gonna sleep tonight. I wish I could, though... At least so I can forget about this issue and not worry over it all night as I know I will.

But I feel like sleep is mostly out of the question.

I'm not sure what I'm more scared of...

My nightmares?

Or

What's happening to me?

Fuck. I don't know what I'm gonna do, or really what I even CAN do. I guess I just have to hope to get through this safely and avoid food afterwards. Guess I'm gonna need an appetite suppressant and a lot of excuses.

I wish people could just understand, but that is unlikely.

I don't care about tomorrow though. I just need to get through tonight. It's almost 1am here. So just 5 more hours. I can do this. I have to.