But yesterday after I was dropped off, I went to my first two periods and then left. I just didn't want to be here.
After I left yesterday I went and hung out with a friend of mine. Not too long after that I received a phone call from a counselor at my school. She told me that someone had called safe2tell on me and that she needed to see me. I started freaking out and punching the sidewalk because I thought this was gonna be a repeat of last year with the incident at my school. She said that the school resource officer was sitting in front of my house.
I freaked out because why the fuck would he be sitting there?!
He then called me and old me that he needed to see me. He tried to convince me to come back to school and when I refused, he came and met me in the parking lot of the resteraunt we (my friend and I) were at. He made me take off my jacket, and old me that the caller had said I was cutting my stomach, hips, arms, and legs. Not many people know that.
I denied it, saying that I hadn't cut in over 6 months. He made me take off my jacket and show him my arms and whatnot. Which I was fine with, seeing as those cuts had healed. The ones on my stomach and hips though, not so much.
So after the officer was sitting in front of my house, he called my grandparents and told them everything. I heard later that my grandpa actually broke down in tears, and that broke me. In all the years that I have been alive, I have never seen my grandfather cry. Ever.
So this morning, I had to go talk to the counselor that called me yesterday, and that's where I was at when my school went into a lockdown. At least it got me out of class. I didn't want to be there anyways. My grade in that class is slowly improving, though not enough. Not enough for me to pass. Currently enrolled in 5 classes. I only need 3 to graduate. I have to do this.
Also an event that happened yesterday was that a friend of mine apparently attempted suicide. Her mom had found out that I was talking to her, and she tried to make me stop. She blocked my number in her daughters phone, and basically took my friend away from me. Yesterday morning she called me and basically told me that I was the reason for her daughters eating disorder, and said I encouraged her daughters drug use. She said that I was the one dragging her daughter down and then tried to be my mother saying I should get help for my eating disorder, and that I couldn't see her daughter till I did.
It was bullshit. I will never go into treatment, not until I reach 108 beautiful pounds of emptiness. Only then will I admit to anyone that I've got an Earing Disorder. But I was pretty upset about that yesterday.
So here's how it is: I have 13 school days left. Less than 2 weeks. I only have to pass 3 classes, and only one is a struggle. But I'm gonna see if I can't bullshit my way through that one class.
As for the incident, I'm in the clear. I covered my ass and am okay. My secret is still safe.
So I guess we will see how the next 13 days pan out, and I'll be having a countdown too. I'm gonna do this.
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