I suppose that it is true.
True that misery loves company.
I feel like there are two different people living inside of me.
Not me and Ana.
Me and me.
Another version of me.
One who depends on people. One who doesn't need anyone.
One who wants to see people in my position recover. One who doesn't want to be left alone.
One who hates people. One who just wants to be cared about.
I feel like there is always something wrong with me. I am such a pessimist. I can see that, in myself. But if anyone else says it, I disagree.
I am working on ways to change that.
Ways to change my outlook on everything.
Ways to not be so open with people.
Ways to reach my goals.
I don't understand it.
But i'm working on it.
When did my mind become my own worst enemy? The most confusing thing? Not understandable? When did I lose myself?
Or have I only thought this when it isn't true?
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
Being a pessimist is understandable. We all have parts of us that look upon things that way, and we all have parts in ourselves that need people and parts that don't. It's part of human nature. The quest is to figure out how to balance those parts.
ReplyDeleteI admire you for trying to do that. Not everyone does.
Most of the time I don't, I have to admit.
DeleteI guess it just doesn't make sense to live that way, or I don't like it.
So I have no choice but to change it.
And change everything about myself in the process. Thank you though. Xx
You know sweetie, I'm always here. I know it's hard because our friendship is new, but you can trust me and you can open up to me. We may come to different forks in our roads, but I will always be here for you. Lots of love sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Thanks. I just worry a lot of the time, because I know you said that you're not easily influenced, but I still worry that I will bring you down somehow, or hurt you somehow. Or just make you worry about me. I don't want that either. So I guess I just worry about other people worrying too much. Wow. Such a mouthful. Haha.
DeleteI think the same thing sometimes; that there are two different version of myself. I think that this realization can be good. It's telling you that you're in a place of self discovery! Don't stress out about confusion. These are the times when we learn who we are.
ReplyDeleteStay Strong!
~Mystic
I don't feel like i'm learning anything, only losing more of myself. but I guess that's just how these things go. I will just give it time. After all, there isn't much else that I can do. Thanks. You're so sweet.
Delete