I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Weight Loss Challenge.

I've started a plan to lose 14 lbs in 26 days. Which I started yesterday. I'm really hoping I can do it. I haven't really lost any weight in a while and I need to. Very badly.

I'm basically trying to restrict, but fuck.
Yesterday I caved and ate macaroni. Today I caved and ate Panda Express. I never eat Panda Express. I feel so shitty.
I want to cut, and I want to die. I have so much anxiety, and I'm such a failure. I just need to get out on my own so that I can say fuck you and then nobody can give me any food that I might cave on. At least if I was on my own, then nobody could tell me that I had to eat.
I'm hoping to work off all the calories. But fuck. I looked up the nutritional information...
For Orange Chicken, which is what they brought home, it has 420 calories, 21 g of fat, 4 grams of Saturated Fat, 95mg of cholesterol, 620mg of sodium, 43g of carbs, and 15g of protein. Multiply that times two, and you basically get what I had for dinner. Oh, and another 470 for rice that they forced me to eat....

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!!!!

I have so much anxiety and I'm fucking pissed off that I can't purge. So I guess I'll have to exercise it off. 1500 calories? FUCK ME.

So there you have it. Day 1 of my weight loss challenge was a success. Day 2 was an epic fucking failure.

I wish I was dead.
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2 comments:

  1. CocoJuly 11, 2013 at 9:41 PM

    You're trying...and for that we are all proud of you! One step forward, two steps back...it's life. Hang in there, tomorrow may be better!! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J (:July 12, 2013 at 11:37 AM

      Yeah, I hope. Maybe one day I will be skinny. Xx

      Delete

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