My Life

Well.. Since my last update, not a lot has changed.

My best friend for 7 years was pregnant and so excited for her baby.. But because of stress, she had a miscarriage. I've been trying to be there for her and comfort her as much as I can, but I know how difficult that can be..

My dad kicked me out basically, and I have to find somewhere to live by June 1st. Right after the graduation of seniors at my school. I'm not sure if I can include myself in that group. I still don't know if I'm dropping out.

School is literally killing me.

Saturday night I went to a rave. I was playing with Jenny, but my friend wasnt. I had a great time, though it would have been more fun if I had some actually fun drugs to do for that rave.

This is a picture I took, though it's blurry. I had a pretty awesome panda hat, though you can't see all of it in the picture.

Yesterday was 4/20, and though they had a celebration in the Capitol, I stayed local and went to a raffle. I smoked some bud with some strangers, though really nice people.

I had fun, as strange as it is. 

That's pretty much my life right now.

Since I had strep 3/4 weeks ago, I haven't been home. I stop in every now and then, but I haven't spent a night there in forever. I took boxes over there about a week ago, but I haven't actually been home to pack.

My dad is being a twat muffin, and he never has anything nice to say to me. But I guess I can't blame him, because I doubt he knows how else to be.

I didn't sleep Saturday night at all, and I only fell asleep This morning at 1. So 49 hours without sleeping. Hah. Thanks Jenny. But this morning I woke up late, and didn't have enough time to properly get ready. So I look like shit, and I feel like shit. I'm sitting in my psych class right now, wishing I could cut. Feeling anxious, restless, distracted. I hate coming down. I love going up, just not coming down.

Not this past Saturday, but the one before that, I had some issues. I ended up cutting all of my left arm from shoulder to wrist, my hips and my stomach. After what I did, I was pretty horrified at myself. But obviously that didn't last very long, as I'm wanting to cut again right now. Maybe I shouldn't even try to fight it.

Ohh, and just a random interjection.. My best friend (mentioned above) has a thing for me, and I totally have a thing for her. But she has a boyfriend/fiancé, so I doubt I'd ever get a chance with her. She flirts with me though.. So I'm kinda confused as to where we stand, or if I should even listen to my feelings towards her. Maybe I should just be content being her best friend, and ignore the rest. -sigh- just my randomness here.

I'm trying... Really trying, to survive. But I'm struggling with that right now. It's such a battle, and I'm not sure I have the right weapons to fight.