Am I a negative person? Or am I just a result of circumstance?
I avoid people because I realized a long time ago that my thoughts weren't "normal." But is it my choice to think these thoughts or are they a result of situations I have faced and things I have learned?

I am gonna make a serious effort to list out both the negative and the positive things in my life. I am not sure I wanna know the outcome though.
Well, here goes nothing.

POSITIVE:
1. I have a boyfriend who loves me.
2. I have a place to live, and I don't even have to pay to live there.
... Seriously coming up blank here..
3. I have at least one person who loves everything about me, even the horrific.

I don't want to say things like "I am alive today" or "I am healthy" or even better "I am still breathing"... Because I don't want to be alive today, tomorrow or yesterday. Because I am so far from healthy even if it doesn't show physically. Because if I took my last breath right now, I can't say I wouldn't be happier. Pain-free. Maybe I wouldn't, but it couldn't be worse than this.

Alright. So that is what I have for the positive, so here is the flip side.

NEGATIVE:
1. I have no job.
2. I lost my best friend.
3. I don't even have a high school diploma...
4. I'm fat.
5. I am undeserving of everything I have.

I am sure there are more... But my point is that no matter how hard I try, the positive never seems to balance out the negative..
Maybe I am just destined to be this way.