Great start for the new year!

Not. I can't even begin. Where do I begin?

Well.... I fucked up.

Twice. Or 3 times.

Maybe 4.


Fuuuck.


For one, I smoked weed. Yeah, I used to. I have only smoked maybe a handful of times in my life though. After last time... It was no more.
Well, wasn't.
My aunt and her friend were all for getting high off their asses, and for some reason, that made me decide to take part.. That is offense number one.

Offense number 2:
Because of the weed, I lost control. Fuck.
In the course of like 2 hours... I had 4 cups of coffee with coffee creamer (300), popcorn (400), chocolate (300), corn chips and ranch (600), skittles (250), and champagne (424). I over estimated a bit, because I had no way to measure things, and I don't know 100% how much I ate.. Nonetheless... It was 2284... Fuck. Yeah... Now I have to burn that off.... I know that I gained weight. Which means that I have to lose it.

Offense number 3:
Champagne. I knew that I was fucking up. I always do. SO I had to keep going. I had 424 calories in Champagne. And as it was my first time drinking... I did get a little bit drunk. Not like full on, I don't think I drank that much... but fuck. I still consider it an offense.

Offense number 4:
This morning. I got up, and my aunt and her friend were smoking. Again. So long story short, I ended up smoking again with them. Shit. I had one cup of coffee (150), biscuits and gravy (600), and hot dogs (300).
Yep. Wow. I am so out of control. And even as I write this. Yeah, I'm still high. Apparently, right now, I know no shame. But when it wears off... It's gonna be hell.
So the total for the day is already 1050. This is more than I ate on Thanksgiving and Christmas combined.
So much for 400 a day.

One day into the new year.. I've already fucked up. But for this one time, I'm going to act like this never happened. I am going to have to keep going, forget about this.


So my plan for the rest of the week. I am fasting. Liquid fasting. I will basically cleanse myself. I eat NOTHING until Sunday. That's when my 400 a day limit kicks in. I have to do this.

fatfailurefatfailurefatfailure

Ahh such that I am. Don't try to tell me I'm not. I have no hope for that reality right now.

I weighed myself. And I've only gained a lb from this. Though I feel like I should have gained six. It probably won't show up right. I need to get a scale of my own.

Anyways, I feel absolutely horrible. Bloated, gross, fat. Yeah. So I'm going home, I'm going to run, and I'm going to get back on track. I will be skinny. I am determined.

Now... to motivate myself.