If you have a bad habit, but you don't want to quit it... does that make you a bad person?
I have an Eating Disorder... but I don't want to stop.
I self harm... But I don't want to stop.
I bite my nails... but I don't want to stop.
I over exercise... but I don't want to stop.
Does this make me weak? A failure? A bad person?
Actually.. I think it does. Or not. I don't know what it makes me.
If an alcoholic doesn't want to stop drinking... are they a bad person?
If a druggie doesn't want to stop smoking... are they a bad person?
If a junkie doesn't want to stop... are they a bad person?
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
I think that if we do something, just because we're supposed to, or don't do something that we wanna do.. That's when we stop being us. What we do defines us. I don't want recovery either. And no one can force me. And even if they tried, they would be trying to make me another person than I am!
ReplyDeleteThis makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I am not ready to recover yet... so I understand where you are coming from.
DeleteI guess it's just depending upon how the action if viewed, by yourself, and by others. They can see it as a bad thing, but to you, it isn't. It's just so confusing sometimes.
Hmmm....
ReplyDeleteI think if someone is an alcoholic and they don't want to stop it doesn't necessarily make them a bad person but I would look down upon them. Mostly because drinking is bad for other people besides the person drinking.
If someone is addicted to their eating disorder they don't hurt anyone else so I think it doesn't make them a bad person in any sense. It's normal not to want to recover. Consciously.
Some say that you do hurt others by being addicted to your eating disorder, because they have to sit and watch you die. The control part of this that we like so much, is that they can't do anything about it. So it does hurt them. I understand what you mean about the alcoholic though. I share the same view, though I haven't really thought about it until now.
DeleteWhat you do you mean consciously? Like you don't consciously want to recover, but subconsciously you do?
I think your vices are all what you are doing to yourself. Like Emily said, a person who drinks affects everyone around them. But your self harm only hurts yourself, not those around you, unless they find out and want to help and realize you don't want to stop. You are strong dear and you have what you need to cope with the way you feel. I love you.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Thank you for the support Katie. But sometimes, I don't know if i can support and cope with the way I feel. I mean, I just feel stuck.
DeleteI understand what you mean about the vices part though. I would agree. However, any form of self hurt, whether it be self harm, an eating disorder, or whatever. It still hurts those around you, because they have to watch it knowing they can't do anything to stop you.