In some ways, they've gone up. Only a small bit, but fuck.
In other ways, they've gone down.
I don't know what to believe.
I haven't lost any fucking weight, thanks to vacation.
Guess I'll just try harder.
That should be my motto.
TRY HARDER.
I am such a failure. No matter what anyone says, I am. I can't deny that anymore.
So... I don't know what to do anymore.
I have some ideas, but no motivation. I don't believe in myself and doing this anymore. But I in no way want recovery..
I'm such a mess.
Whatever..
Thanks to everyone who supported me. It meant a lot.
And I'll remember that.
This might be my last post for a while.
Until I can get my shit together, and do something... I won't be posting.
I can't.
So.. seeya.
I'm sorry that you feel like you're failing sweetie. I hope things come together for you and you can find an answer. Love you.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
I sure hope so too, Thanks, Katie. Xxx
DeleteFailing at something does not make someone a failure. Giving up does. And it doesn't sound like you're giving up! Sooooo NOT a failure! :) Can't argue with that logic!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm pretty sure it's fuckin impossible for ANYONE to lose weight on vacation.. So don't sweat it.
Take a breath. Give it time. <3
I am not accomplishing my goals, and I can't stay on track, so I feel like it does.
DeleteI know. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but I feel like I could have had more control, and I shouldn't have gained so much weight.
I'm trying to breathe, and time as well, but i'm running a bit short on time..
I will just have to take it easy and see how it goes. You're right. Time, is all I need.
You're not a failure.. I can really relate to how you're feeling, please don't give up though. I know it all seems helpless, but there is hope.
ReplyDeleteI'll really miss you if you stop posting, I'm so sorry I've been so bad at reading your blog recently.
Love you.
I can't see the hope.. I know I'm trying to be more positive. I suck at that.
DeleteDon't worry about not reading my blog. There's nothing that says you have to, and it's your choice entirely. I won't hold it against you. Xxx Love you.
I hope things go well for you!
ReplyDeleteAnd I second what The Lovely Bones says.
But if not posting helps you accomplish your goals, then more power to you. Don't be afraid to come here if you need support though.
Of course I need support. But I always do. So therefore I can't have it. In my mind at least.
DeleteI don't know if not posting is helping, I doubt it.
But I guess we'll see... I weigh in on Tuesday.
Thanks for the support though. Xxx
Baby you can do this. I believe in you. You're not a failure, never a failure. Trust me on that. You'll have your failures and your successes.
ReplyDeleteBut there are great people out there, and they've failed more than they've succeeded. Failure is a good thing. You learn from your mistakes.
And, nobody can lose weight on vacation or during the holidays (November/December, at least in the US). This is a sad fact and if you don't lose weight during this time WELL you've done nothing wrong!
You'll get through this, I promise. Love. <3
I guess it's just that I haven't felt like i've succeeded at anything. So therefore I feel like i've failed.
DeleteIt's January/February, and I haven't lost weight. Cuz of my fucking vacation. But nonetheless, I have to.
I'm trying to get through this.
One day at a time, one step at a time.
Thanks. Xxx
Attagirl! You can do anything (:
DeleteI guess.
DeleteHi Camille. I haven't been around lately and I guess i've missed quite a lot of reading. It just saddens me-And i mean it when i say SAD- to see you still in the same place, Still not accepting that you are worth recovery and you can reach your goals in a matter of time. You know whats right and whats wrong, you choose what you do with yourself and darling, i don't know how to make you see that you CAN be happy, you can be healthy, you can actually smile without pretending to be okay. it just depends on how you look at things. in the beginning you may feel like your getting no where, but trust me, it gets better. like you said, try harder, try better. why must you give up when all of us here know that you can do it? Why must you completely destroy the good things about yourself? why must you tell yourself you are a failure? if everybody did that, there wouldn't be a single content person on this planet. My thoughts about your situation are here and there. I've felt this way, i still do at times but i've learnt to cope with my mistakes and failures and take them as lessons and something that'll make me a stronger human being. Don't forget, you fall 7 times, you stand up 8. lots of love and hugs. Sarah xoxo
ReplyDeleteI over-analyze. I'm a psychologist at heart. What I mean is, I could tell you exactly WHY I tear myself down, WHY my mind has to take and twist everything. WHY I can't accept that I might be happy. But I don't know if that would do any good, because in knowing that, it doesn't change who I am. I might be able to find the underlying causes behind it, but that doesn't exactly change anything. If that makes sense. I don't know how to fix it, even if I know why I am the way I am.
DeleteI am a pessimist. People have told me that before, but I denied it. Now, I see it for myself, and it doesn't bring happiness. That has to be the single thing I hate the most about me. Is how much of a pessimist I am. But, I don't know how to fix that one yet.
I'm not giving up, because giving up to me means suicide. I'm not there again, not yet anyways. I'm simply trying another tactic. Just one more in a list of endless tries. One eventually has to succeed.
I never used to be like this. If I made a mistake, or I failed at something, I learned from it, and I made myself a BETTER person for it. Then, once Ana took over, it turned into finding ways to use that to tear myself down. I don't know why.
But that's how I used to be. If you've read any of my early posts, you'd see that. Compare them to now, and I don't even recognize myself. Not sure how I feel about that one. I'm not giving up, and soon I will return. But not yet.
Thank you for this comment. Honestly, thank you. You can't imagine how much it means to me. It's given me a sense of hope. It's weird, because It doesn't make sense why this would give me hope. But it has. And I hope that I can hold on to this. That I can try to find the inner strength that I've lost recently.
I don't know if people ever see the responses to these comments. But, if you do, Just know that. I'm not giving up. Thank you. Xxx