I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Anything?

What am I waiting for?
I accomplished nothing today
Like I am not even human.

I put more energy into my eating disorder
Than I do into finding a job.
Why?
I would rather starve my feelings and
Pretend
That none of this is happening
Than face up to my mistakes
And fix them.

I would rather live in denial
Than live in reality.
I would rather stay angry
Than let myself feel the emotions
That I starve away.

I would rather lie about that burn
On my arm
Than admit that I wasn't strong enough.
That I am not good enough.
I would rather live with my depression
Than admit that I need help
And can't do this on my own.

And though I know the price of this denial
Is high,
I cling to it
Because it's easier to pretend that
Everything isn't falling apart
Than truly accept that I wasn't strong enough
To hold it together.

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2 comments:

  1. Katie ElizabethNovember 22, 2014 at 5:21 PM

    Oh hun, it's such a terrible place to be. There were so many times when I embraced death, literally begged for it, then face my problems and emotions. But it won't change until you want it to. I love you and think about you everyday.
    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J (:November 22, 2014 at 5:42 PM

      I appreciate that, Katie. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. It feels like that a lot of the time. Text me chica. Xx

      Delete

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