Don't know where my mood has gone.

I just feel really moody. Mostly pissed off.
At what, I don't know.
Why, I don't know.

It's like every time someone says anything to me, it irritates me because they're talking to me. What the fuck?
I know I don't have a reason to be angry, but it feels like everything about my ED is taking over my life, like that's all I can focus on.
Before, it was there, but not everything.... Now, it's starting to feel like it's everything.

I hate myself every time I THINK of food, or every time I want to wear something and I don't think it looks good. I fear that I'm getting to the point that nobody can help me anymore.
And I'm just so mad.

Maybe I'm mad that I'm getting so behind in school, because I can't focus. But that's my fault.
Maybe I'm mad that I can't be pretty. But it's my fault for thinking that way.
Maybe I'm mad because people don't understand, but it's my fault for not letting them in.
Maybe I'm mad because when people do get it, they don't take my side. But that's not their fault. It's mine.

Whatever it is that I'm mad at, maybe it is all of the above, or none...... I know that I just don't want to talk to anyone, or pretend to be okay, or let anyone in. Homecoming is coming up in 2 weeks, and Zombie Crawl is the same day. Yet I can't be excited. I am just mad because my friend wants to hang out to get ready this weekend.

It feels like EVERYTHING makes me mad. And then I get even madder because I'm mad. I don't even know what I want.


Just had to rant there.... UGGGGH. I'm off to be mad all alone in my room, and to take that anger out on my homework. (: Maybe. Maybe I just need to go for a run. I'll give it a shot. Though running when I'm mad..... hmm. It's a distraction. Grr.

Kay, well I'm gonna go do something, writing this out helped a bit. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow, but I doubt it.