I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Perfect Tuesday!

I don't know what it is. I really don't. Last night I paced through my room reading a book and listening to music, for about 3 hours. I couldn't sit down. I had so much energy. Even when I wanted to stop, I kept going. And I'll admit, it felt good. It felt good to feel myself using energy, starting to feel hungry.
Which is weird, as I start getting hungry at random times now.

I finally fell asleep at about 12 am. Then I decided that I would wake up at 5:30 this morning, and take a shower, and take my time getting ready for school. It felt amazing.and I wasn't tired at all. I was in the best mood, and my shower made it even better. And then I still had time to get to school, and I was in no rush. The whole way on the bus going to school, I was listening to my music, and having the best time ever. I don't know why. I don't care about what I weighed, and today when I got dressed, I actually liked what I saw in the mirror. There was no "You need to lose weight here" or "You're not good enough" or anything like that. I like my reflection today. I have no idea what's going on, but I promise I'm not on drugs.

I have been reading 50 Shades of Freed, and I'm so excited that I get to read it. I love these books! I know they are all the hype right now, but I do really like them. There's just something about they way they are written and the story line, I like them. Sure, some say it's like Twilight, but I like those books too, so oh well! (:

My dad bought our tickets to got to Hawaii! I am so excited, I get to spend two weeks there. On the beaches, having a nice time in the sun, while it snows here. I swear, my weather here is Bipolar. One morning   it's snowing and freezing outside, then in the afternoon, it's like 70 degrees. I don't understand it.
So I'm super super excited to go to Hawaii in January for 2 weeks!

I have no work to do for most of my classes, and therefore I can just relax. I don't actually want to go to any of my classes today, except maybe psychology and Algebra II. Otherwise, I'd rather just ditch them. But I'll go anyways, it can't hurt.

I also found out that my counselor hasn't been ignoring me. She was worried about me enough to go ask my friend how I was doing, and if I was okay. I don't want to go talk to her just yet. Not until my arm has healed, because I'm scared I'll tell her everything, and I don't want that right now. I am finally in a good place, and I'd love to see the results on Friday. It's not been entirely successful, but at the same time, I guess that's how it should be.
I want to go talk to her but I don't know what to say to her. I don't know if I should. I'm gonna think about it and see hoe it goes later. No point in worrying about it today.

Today is a very good, day, and while I don't know why it is this way, I am going to enjoy it and have fun! (^-^)

Me today!


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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 30, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    I'm glad you had a better day today lovely ^_^ Listening to music always makes everything better! It lifts my mood :)

    I've read Fifty Shades Freed too! For me it was very much like Twilight, almost to the point that I couldn't finish it >.< But I powered through and finished it in just over a day! It actually is a good series, just the similarities to Twilight bothered me sometimes and that "inner goddess" thing >.< That "inner goddess" was going to get harmed if I hadn't finished the book earlier! Haha.

    I'm so jealous that you get to go to Hawaii! I've wanted to go there for so long...TAKE ME WITH YOU. You know, just a quick detour to New Zealand the onto Hawaii ;)

    I'm glad to hear that your counselor isn't ignoring you either ^_^ It's never good to feel that way but don't worry about going back if you're feeling good now. Just focus on the positive and when you need to go back, then do it :)

    You're really pretty by the way :')

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    Replies
    1. J (:November 2, 2012 at 7:21 AM

      I am in need of new music!!
      That's so funny! That you wanted to kill the "inner goddess"... That was my favorite part. I really enjoyed the books, they were good to read. While I saw the similarities to Twilight, I can't say it was that bad.
      I wish I could take you with me. It's so beautiful, and I love it there. I'm so psyched that I get to go again!
      Thanks for the compliment, that totally made me smile! ^_^

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