I never feel like I can be myself around my family.
Example?
My grandma - When I dyed my hair funky colors (purple and blue) she said that I was doing it because I wanted to be like someone else. When really, I was doing it because I'm crazy. I'm loud, weird, hyper, fun, etc. But not around her. She hates it.
My dad - He doesn't really know anything about me. I'm rarely ever around him anymore, so why should he? That's explanation enough in itself.
My aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. - I never see them anymore. Not really. They all live out of state or something, so we don't talk much. There's really nobody around here that is my age, so my crazy-ness doesn't exactly float with them. They prefer I be chill.
The conclusion? I don't like spending much time around my family, but now they are here. And this time, there will be tons of food, and I know I have weird food habits, so I have to hide those from them as well, they can't know about Ana. I have to stay on track. I have about 30 days to lose as much weight as I can. And I will. I refuse to look like a whale in a bikini. If I can help it.
On a brighter note, I did Christmas shopping last night, and I think I'm finally starting to get into the Christmas spirit! It is finally starting to feel the slightest like Christmas.
:D
And it just means I'm that much closer to going to...... HAWAII!!!! ^______^ Can you tell that I'm excited?!!??! Nahh! xD
Now it's time to go socialize! I can't hide away forever! xD
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
Can you just take me with you? I'm so over this cold weather and cold wind. You and I are a lot alike. I love coloring my hair funky colors too, so it's ok ;) Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Woo! I love your pink hair! xD
DeleteI would love to take you with me! Buuuuut I can't. Unless you want to hide in the cargo on the plane! Or if maybe I can fit you into a suitcase. (: