I'm not sure if this is normal or not.. But I don't really care.
Whenever I think about who I am, and what I stand for, what I believe in... I get really pissed.
I get angry that there are people like me (who share the same problems).
I get angry that nobody seems to understand where I'm at and what I feel. I always seem to be wrong.
I get angry that Eating Disorders are so common.
I get angry that people would ever think to fake an Eating Disorder.
I get angry that Self Harm is so common.
I get angry that I SH just like so many other people.
I get angry at those who SH for attention.
I get angry that I don't seem to have any individuality.
I get angry that I can't be stronger.
I get angry that I'm not making an impact on people.
I get angry that I'm so selfish.
I get angry that I want to die.
I get angry that Suicide is so common.
I get scared that all of these things make me just like everybody else.
I get scared that I'll never be able to define myself.
I get angry that I'm not good enough.
So much anger. But that's common too, isn't it?
I've tried getting rid of all my anger, but it just never seems to fade. It only grows. The bigger it grows, the more inward it turns. But that's so 'normal' too, huh?
So then what is Individuality, and how do you define it?
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
Hey, girl :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry I haven't been replying lately to your blog xD I'm trying to be more active now that my depressed mood is lifting.
I don't know how relative this is, but your whole question on Individuality made me remember an article I read from an author I really admire. I dunno, I just think you would like it.
http://briandbuckley.com/2011/10/18/you-do-not-even-have-to-believe-in-yourself/
Much love!
<3 Wren/Teri
Hey! I'm so glad that you're getting your depression under control. That's great.
DeleteI read the article. It makes sense, the idea that everyone has creativity but that you don't always need to believe it.
But if I spend so much time unconsciously denying anything creative, or happy, then how can I ever channel that creativity?
It all just seems pointless.
But I'll keep it in mind, and see what I can do. Thank you for showing me the article. (: Xx
I don't think you have to try to be different. I think if you are just yourself you can be more individual than any other way.
ReplyDeleteI have tried. But I still feel like i'm just like everyone else. Xx
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