It is oddly out of place, but not unwelcome. I am actually kind of enjoying it.
My good mood, I mean.
I have basically been in a general good mood for the past two days. I have still had my negative moments, but they aren't bringing me so low that I get stuck there.
It's kinda nice.
I slept so much last night (13 hours) and now I feel kinda lazy. But I'm changing that around and I practiced with my Rifle for a bit, and cleaned my room. Soon here I'll start working on school work too. Every time I think about it, I get so stressed out and my "I don't give a fuck I just hate it and it doesn't matter anyways" mood kicks back in. So I'm going to try to do it one at a time. Just take it easy.
I am officially done with Color guard now, and while that makes me sad, it also gives me a lot more free time that I can use to do more school work. I hope that will start reflecting on my grades soon... But for now I'm not going to think about that.
My dad left for Wyoming again, but he'll be back tomorrow night sometime. I am thinking about talking to him about getting a Chemistry tutor. I know it's a little late in the year for that, as we only have like 7 weeks left, but I don't think i can get my grade up on my own, much less actually pass that class. I want to though, I don't want to fail it.
Yesterday I ditched my 2nd hour because I needed the time to work, and then I ditched my 7th hour because I was having somewhat of an emotional breakdown and I couldn't handle it. I had a rally right after that and I didn't want to go and pretend to be all cheery. My mood improved soon after that though. So it didn't last. I just need a few days off from school. Or better yet - I need it to be summer. I just need a break from everything, a chance to breathe.
Which yes, means that for now, I don't intend to end my life. For now, I see a future as far as summer. But that can change. For now, I'll just go with it. (:
I suppose that I should go get started on my work, and finish cleaning my room... But I'm such a procrastinator. (:
I don't really want to do any of it, but I know I'll feel better when it's done.
Oh, and I went to go talk to the school counselor yesterday, hoping to tell her that I was suicidal, and see if she can recommend me to someone who might be able to help - but she blew me off. So I'm not going back there, ever again.
Not that I mind, I mean, I basically forgot about it and left it in the past so that I didn't have to stress over it. And I'm doing fine now, so all is well, I guess. (:
Ohh... That homework thing. Yeah, gotta go do that. >.< Wish me luck!! (I'd much rather be outside playing with my rifle..) xD
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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