I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

D-Day

I didn't sleep well last night.. I kept having nightmares and waking up every hour or so when I did finally manage to sleep. But at 5:30 this morning I finally gave up.

Since then, I've been trying to fight the anxiety. My lunch is supposed to be at 12:30, but I don't know if I can make it back there by then seeing as I spent the night at a friends. Which makes me feel shitty.

I weighed myself this morning, and I weighed 160.6.. Which is 4 lbs down from Friday. That's fucking amazing and I'm hesitant to believe it.. Could it really be?
If anything, that just makes me les inclined to eat. I don't want to gain all the weight back.. I need to keep losing.
The smell of food makes my stomach turn, and just gives me more anxiety. I've been pacing around in circles trying to calm down.

4 hours until I eat. I still haven't figured out how to balance it yet, but I will. Tomorrow when I weigh, I WILL NOT see that number go up. It would be really fucking sweet if it went down. I have to make it.
But that still doesn't help my anxiety.
Ugh.
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