I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Monday, February 3, 2014

Update

I've been restricting fairly well recently. But I'm not sure how its affecting my weight.
Last night I kind of freaked out. I don't even know how to write out what made me snap, but I definitely did and I feel like shit because of it.

My birthday is in 10 days. Not even sure how to feel about that. My dad wants to take me indoor skydiving to celebrate, and my family wants to have cake and ice cream, maybe go out to dinner.
I think not.
I don't need this fat body to take in any more calories than it has to.

I had hot coco with mini marshmallows for "breakfast" and I'm not intending to eat anything for "lunch". I love feeling empty. Who and what would I be without it?

I'm impatiently counting the days until I graduate. Praying and hoping that I pass all of my classes. Struggling to understand and to keep going.
Right now it's looking like I'll have to take a semester or a year off. Nobody else is helping me pay for college, and as of right now I don't have any scholarships or money in general to pay for college.
So if I have to take a gap year, I have to take one. Right now I'm trying to not think about it so much. It makes me sad. As scared as I am to go to college, I kind of... Want to go.

So far, 3 of my 5 classes are done for the day. But I still have several more hours to go. School feels tedious now. Not exciting, I don't want to go. I don't think I want to drop out either though.

Anyways, that's just my current thoughts. I hope everyone has a good day, or at least not a totally shitty day. Xx



^^ this is so true. It's been rediculously cold here, and it's only supposed to get colder. I'm ready for Spring!!
Posted by at

1 comment:

  1. Katie ElizabethFebruary 4, 2014 at 7:34 PM

    I can so relate to that last picture. I am so over this cold shit weather. I'm excited for your birthday. I would love to be able to get together and do something to celebrate (no food ;) I'm sorry things have been so stressful lately. I can understand. Keep fighting for school. Graduation will be worth it. And don't stress so much about college. There are plenty of grants and scholarships out there. Sending you my love dear.
    XOXO

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)