3 am rambles!!

I have been thinking about talking to a therapist again. Or rather the same one I went to before. And just telling her that I have been feeling the affects of my depression so much recently, and see if she might be able to refer me to someone who can possibly evaluate me to see if I need medication to manage it or if there is something else that can be done.
I hate this thought so much. I don't really want to be on medication. It makes me feel like I'm weak for not being able to get over it without it, but at the same time, I realize that the way I am currently living isn't getting me anywhere. I am missing so much school, because I have so much anxiety or I just can't manage it. I don't do assignments and projects and stuff because I just can't focus, because I feel like there isn't any point or that I'm going to fail anyways, so why put in effort?
I mean, part of that is just me, but part of it isn't as well.

Yesterday was a really good day. I wasn't as productive as I would have liked to be, but I mean, it wasn't a shitty day. I didn't really do anything, other than checking emails and such, and downloading music. I read a few books, cleaned my room a bit. Pretty lazy. I had a snow day, so no school. School is open today (I'm currently writing this at 3 am) but I don't think I will go. I have no way to safely get there and back, since it's still snowing and it's 10 degrees outside, so yeah... My dad basically just told me that I didn't have to go. Well, that was yesterday, but still.
I have so much homework to do, still. It's only Wednesday, but I have so much homework because I didn't really do any work last week. Bleh! Gotta get done somehow, eh?

There is so much violence in the world. It breaks my heart. I am watching this news program, and it was reporting on a man in Texas, breaking into a school and stabbing several students. they said that at least 20 were injured. I mean, you have that, but it's not the only one. Here are some stories on different things that have happened. Most of them are local to me, but nonetheless.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting/
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57578677/14-wounded-in-texas-college-stabbing-attack/
http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_22645173/jessica-ridgeway-case-charges-against-austin-sigg-altered

These are just a few, but there are so many. And honestly, I know that none of this is news. I know that these things happen all the time. But I guess I never really see it. Or I try not to. Because it bothers me so much that all of this is happening, yet I can't really do anything about it. That I just hear about it. I mean, I'm sure there is something I could do, but I just feel so powerless.
Anyways, rant over.

There are just my jumbled thoughts at 3 am. xD