I feel like I'm going to throw up. I have so much stress and anxiety. I NEED to do well in school.
That is not an option.
But at the same time, I don't have motivation. And I'm so full of anxiety that I can't sit still for more than 10 minutes.
And as a result, my grades are dropping.
Sociology: 86.43% (B)
English: 75.81% (C)
Chemistry: 37.06% (F)
Spanish: 67.23% (D)
World History: 66.67% (D)
Algebra II: 76.1% (C)
My attendance has gone downhill too.
This is not me. I do not do this. I am the student with the 4.0, getting straight A's, or at least B's. I am the student getting help when I need it, and planning my future.
I talked to my counselor and some of my teachers about 2 weeks ago, and they all told me that I could not get any extensions. That it was my problem that I was having so many troubles.
I really want someone to slap me and scream at me that I need to get my grades up, that I need to do better than this, that I AM better than this.
I need a Chemistry tutor. It's the last few weeks of school, and I need to get that up.
I need to get all my grades up. I understand that I have turned in some assignments that my teachers have not yet up in the grade book, so those aren't counting towards my grades, yet. I wish they would though, because then I could assess the damage.
I am so terrified.
I have the ACT in 2 weeks, but I haven't studied at all for it. Why? Because I need to take the essay portion, which means I will already have to take the ACT again anyways, so why worry about it right now? If I don't have to stress over it, why should I?
But that's wrong. I am stressing over it. I have thought about asking my dad if I can get a Chem tutor, because really, I am not understanding it at all. I've asked several people here if they can tutor me, but they always bail or they don't know the material themselves. I can't do that class on my own. At this point, I'm willing to admit that I need help.
I need some control back in my life. 2 months. 2 months for everything. I don't know if I can do it. Right now, I'll be lucky if I get into any of the colleges that I want to go to. If that. I don't want to go to Community college, for stupid reasons. But I might end up doing that anyways.
I need control. I can't be without it. I need to do something. This week, I am going to start fresh. Just do the assignments that I'm assigned, and forget the rest. Or forget it as much as I possibly can. Maybe that will help.
Does anyone have any other advice? Anything would help.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
I'm constantly asking myself how to gather motivation haha. Okay. Here's what you need to do.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, make a list. Make it for the week and the next week so you can visualize when things are due. I will even write out mundane things like go to History, go to Spanish, things like that so that I feel like I'm accomplishing something and that makes me feel better. You need to make realistic daily goals. For example, I have an hour break between Spanish and Bio and so I will print out my notes, take my pre lab quiz for Thursday, and begin reading the bio chapter for this week. I will then go to the gym for an hour after class before my meeting. I know how I feel at certain times of the day and where I feel more motivated (evening and earlier in the day versus the afternoon.)
Being realistic is key. Making realistic goals is key.
It really sucks that your teachers say that but basically you just have to go with it. They want to prepare you for life and you can only have so many exemptions, warranted or not. (Sadly they are even less understanding in college.)
Here's a site that may help some with your stuff. https://www.khanacademy.org/
If you tell me what you're learning in Spanish I may have some things that will help you or can help you out a little since it's my minor.
Hold on girl. Summer is coming. You need to take destresser moments during the day or you will burn out even worse. big hugs!
I will definitely check that out.
DeleteAnd I will try making a list. But I'm really bad at that, so that might not go so well. I guess we can see!
We're basically just learning past tense and conjugations like that, but I have issues remembering the verbs. I can conjugate just fine, except I have issues forming sentences.
I'm just pushing myself to be perfect, more and more and more. Because anything less than perfect is not acceptable.. It's just difficult. But I guess i'll get through it one way or another. Thanks for the advice, I'll give it a shot. (: