I don't want to grow old.
I don't want to grow up. 18 isn't bad, neither is 23. But anything older than that, NO. I don't want to grow older than 23.
Go ahead and tell me that I'm selfish. Or that I'm stupid for not wanting to live a longer life when I'm healthy. That I'm just wasting my life, not wanting to live older than that.
But I know all that. I know that, but I don't want to live older than that.
It doesn't make any sense to other people, this fear. I don't think it's a normal fear though, but I have no way of knowing if it is or isn't.
I've felt this way - not wanting to grow older or above 24 - since I was little. I don't think it's something I will grow out of. I'm only 17 though. I've got 6 more years to decide.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
When I get to 25 I'll let you know how it is ;)
ReplyDeleteI think aging is probably not as bad as you think. There are some downsides but it's not like as soon as you hit 23 you're suddenly an old geezer. You're still considered young until 30. And hopefully at that time you'll have people in your life who you feel like sticking around for. :)
It's not i'm afraid of what I'd look like, or anything like that. I'm afraid of everything that comes with age, getting older. I'm afraid for my body to fall out of health, or the risks that come with it. I'm afraid of having to be that respoinsible, and take care of others. I'm afraid of everything that comes with being older than 24.
DeleteI didn't mean to imply you only cared about how you'll look.
DeleteI was actually thinking more of health and how your body will feel at that age when I wrote the comment. Of course I don't know, but I'd bet that your body won't start feeling the stress of living until after thirty. And by then there will be many other positives to get your mind off it :)
As for responsibility, again I can't say for most things, but the increased responsibility that comes as you get old enough to move out and everything... it was scary but only for the first day or two. And after that it was freedom.
I definitely understand why you feel the way you do, I just wanted to try and give you some hope about the situation :)
You definitely did, and I'm only 17. Things can change, and no doubt they will. I'm only a Junior in high school. I know that I haven't really lived yet. So I guess it's just to see. Thank you. Xx
DeleteLol man I'll be 23 in December so I'm nearly done, huh? This fear actually makes me laugh, I'm sorry. Tony kind of has it too and I always think why? I never considered getting old. I just wanted to cram as much into my life as I could before I died. Don't worry about it hun. :) it's a number and it's only sucky to age if you didn't do anything with yourself.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I explained it right, sorry. I'll try explaining it better in another post. Xx
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