So much to say!

My computer doesn't seem to want to be working lately.... Like it won't load my blog. So I haven't been able to write. I can't even use it for schoolwork.... WHY??? I need to do some catching up on other blogs... but that will have to be tomorrow.
Anyways, Friday night was bad. I pretty much exploded, spent 3 hours crying because I was so mad, since it seems that everyone is either blowing me off, supporting my Bulimic habits, or just telling me "Get over it"... It's like nobody gives a shit that I'm struggling to beat this, that I'm having some problems. I do believe I am in a relapse.... And I'm so pissed off at myself, at other people, it's like by purging it's getting back at them. So incorrect, I know. But emotionally that's what it feels like which is why I can't stop. But at the same time, I wish with everything I have that I COULD BE NORMAL OR BETTER OR OKAY OR HEALTHY. I don't know.
I hate being at my dad's, it's EXACTLY like it was before I left. And part of that is what's contributing to my ED. I don't even really want to talk to anyone because I'm so ashamed. I don't want to bring anyone down, or cause them worry. I don't deserve to talk to anyone... or whatever. I don't know. I feel like I've let myself down and some other people, but at the same time. I guess that's all I'm good for. And on the bright side, I've finally stopped asking for help from people who don't give a fuck... which is pretty much everyone. The only one who seems to care is Cimiron, and some of the people I've met through this blog, like Kendel, and Sarah. Still. But I don't really want to talk to anyone, because I'm afraid to admit what's happening. And honestly, it's starting to feel like everyone is my enemy, and I'm scared. I don't even know.
Thursday was so much fun, I got to watch teachers get pied, and I even got to throw a pie at one of my teachers. I took some wonderful pics, but I can't post them here, because my computer won't let me. Gonna have to do it tomorrow. There was a party type thing for upperclassmen, and I got to hang out with my friends. It was a blast. Last night I spent the night at Kassidy's, and we had so much fun. We had mud masks, painted our nails, blasted music, watched movies, played games, went to the mall, and ran down Colfax. :D haha it was so much fun! Just what I needed!! Well, for yesterday anyways.
School is starting to be stressing again, and I'm also stressing about next week, as I have Outdoor Lab. What if I'm not good enough, or I screw up? I know I'm not really expected to be perfect, as it's my first time, but still. I want to do well. I get to meet the kids on Wednesday, so that might help a little.
I haven't had much time to run lately, maybe that's just what I need. But it feels like I don't have any time to run. I ran a little when I broke down on Friday night, but it didn't have the calming effect I needed. I think things will be a little better after I get back from Outdoor Lab, since that seems to be a major source of stress. Plus I'll be able to get away from my dad's that week too, so maybe that'll do me some good. Or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. Not sure.
But I'm going to make the best of my Sunday night, listen to music, clean, do chores, maybe some homework, and catch up on sleep since I have to get up early tomorrow. Woo. Yay for Monday's! I think. I rather like Wednesdays, because I start school really late, and I get to sleep in. It's pretty nice.
Hope everyone is doing good, or at least somewhat. ^_^