Crazy

I feel like I never know how my day is going to go. Like I'm just walking through it blind.

This weekend I was really happy, and then today, I'm just like eh.... I can't seem to do anything, or find the energy to care. I am just a walking person, going through the motions.

I woke up at 4 am this morning, fully awake and hyperish. I couldn't get out of bed, but I just wanted to go run and jump and I wasn't tired at all. When it finally neared 6, I got up, and started getting ready for school. I really didn't want to go today.

Most of my day went well, I had a headache and just wanted to be left alone though.
During my Chemistry class, I couldn't focus on the work. I couldn't do it. So I just bullshitted my way through the class, and when I went to my next class, I had already decided that I would wait till the end of that class (Spanish) and then just ditch the rest of my day. Which is what I'm doing now, trying to calm down and breathe and make it through my day so I can go home. I don't have any work to do, I don't have anything that needs to be done, I just want to sit and breathe.

I have been really shaky all day, and maybe that's because I purged last night, and then didn't eat anything else, but this morning I was shaky and felt like I was gonna pass out. I managed to shove a cookie down my throat eat a cookie, and that stopped the hunger. I feel a little better now, but my mood and my state haven't improved much.

I want to go talk to my counselor, but we don't have anything scheduled until next week, and I don't want to bother her. I'm unsure, but maybe it's worth a shot. I just hope she doesn't send me back to class, I can't go. I can't.

I need to breathe, and I am so anxious for Wednesday. In a good and bad way.
I had a fight with my friend A, about my plans and everything, but I don't think I want to let her in with this yet. Or ever. I am such a mess. I'll have to write more about that later, but for now, I'm just gonna breathe and try to talk to my counselor.