"I'm just a girl..

Trying to find a place in this world."

The lyrics right here. They are the best. I love Taylor Swift ^_^

Anyways,. hi.

Just a quick update about my boring life..

It's Monday, and of course I don't want to be in school. My head is a bomb waiting to go off. It went off somewhat last night, and I ranted to my friend, even though for her it was like 5 am. I thank her for that. But otherwise I just have insane mood swings. Going from happy to pissed off almost instantaneously. And of course there is so much anger from things left unsaid.
I've been wondering what to do about that. Maybe i'll write it out here in the form of a letter, just say everything that I need to say. Because I can't, of course, tell the two people it's directed at. The event has so far passed that it wouldn't even make sense, but somehow I can't let go.

I don't have a break on Wednesday, I missed the date, and it's actually next Monday that I get a break. I have a whole week, and I don't want to do it.
Day by day, I know that I will get through it, if only because I have to.

Wednesday I am supposed to talk to my school Counselor, and that might be the last time I see her.
My grandma is having me evaluated for a therapist on Saturday, I hope that goes well. I don't know exactly what I want to tell her yet. I want help with my mood swings and my anxiety, but i'm afraid that if I tell her about the anxiety, she'll want to know the trigger, and I don't know what to tell her. I have no idea what to expect, so I guess there isn't any point in worrying about it. I can't change it, and who knows, she may just try to get to know me. I have no idea.

I hate that people can read this. So far I haven't had anyone from my school or anyone that knows me here read my blog. I don't mind it when other people read it. I love it, in fact. I just get really nervous when people from my school, or my friends read it. I don't exactly know why. I guess it isn't something I can really control.

I've been feeling really shaky today, and almost sick. I ate breakfast this morning, even though I wasn't hungry. It was a metabolism booster. But then about an hour later, I was hungry again. I almost gave into it and went to get something to eat, but I've resisted. I know that my body doesn't need the food, as I gave it food. But I have lunch in about an hour, and I never eat it. This whole diet thing isn't going very well. I can't keep my head straight, not that I've really given it an honest effort. I think i'm going to start today. I found a new technique (however unhealthy) that I want to try. I know it takes time, but I really want to do it.

I start Colorguard tomorrow. I am so excited. But at the same time, I feel a little scared at how much time it is going to take up. Scared that i'll get behind in school, not study enough, and it'll take a toll on my classes. Even as i'm writing this now, I am supposed to be working on a paper about Pornography and Obscenity. I get distracted pretty easily, sometimes anyways.

I'm feeling like everything is so busy, and I don't like it, but I don't dislike it either. Guess we will have to see how the rest of the day goes.