They have always been there for me. And I mean always. When I was younger and had all the trouble with social services and my parents, they took me in. They saved me. They've given me so much over the years, and it has meant a lot to me. They've been my parents where my dad wasn't.
But since this fight... I'm scared. My grandma knows that she broke my trust. She knows that I need some time to forgive her. My grandpa.. He's kind of gotten in the middle.
But all day today, I kept wishing for a hug. From my grandpa. He has always been the one I'm closer to, for many reasons. He's been my dad in many cases too.
I want to apologize to him for everything I've done, and I want him to love me. I want him to hug me, and I want us to be okay. But on the flipside, I can't get that without seeing my grandma. I'm angry with her, unbelievably angry. But I do still love her. I feel like it would be a really asshole-like thing to do to ask for a hug from my grandpa but not from my grandma. To want to be with him, not her. Y'know? I can't just shut her out of my life. I don't want to, I don't think. I'm just angry. I'm hurt.
But at the same time, I don't want her to hurt. Not because of me, anyways. I don't know.
I don't want to forgive her, not yet. But I want my grandpa. I want a hug. And I can't have one without the other... </3
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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