They're putting me in an AP class. Oh my god. I'm having a panic attack. I'm gonna fail and not get into college and never move or do anything with my life and I'm freaking out and oh my god. Fuckfuckfuck....
I didn't request the course. I didn't. They don't let people change courses either, because they build base the number of class periods that they offer a certain class on the number of students that want to take it. So they don't let people drop. But I know the grades that people get in that class. I know how even kids that are smarter than me barely get B's in that class. I barely have a 3.0 GPA now. Last year I had a 4.0.... It went down all because I failed Chemistry. My Freshman Year, I almost failed Algebra I. My Sophomore year I failed Geometry. My Junior year, I failed Chemistry. My Senior year... I'm gonna fail AP English.
If I fail it... I don't even want to go there.
You may say that it isn't the end of the world, but to me it is. I need to get this class, and I need to get into one of the colleges I want to go to in NY. If I don't... I don't know what I will do. Failing yet again is just not an option for me...
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
Alright listen, you really really need to take a chill pill. You're going to come across hard courses in college and you might fail. I have. You have to hunker down, be as level headed as you can, and work hard. Just keep up the determination.
ReplyDeleteI know I need to take a chill pill. Seriously. I've looked at the course a bit more, and I'm not so stressed out about it. But that's right now. That could change. Thanks though. I'll remember that. Xx
DeleteI hear you- AP classes sound much more stressful than regular or honors. And senior year is the worst because you have a lot of added stress about what to do with your life. But I know you can get through it and I really think you'll do great. In my opinion AP classes are often easier than the lower-level ones because there's less busy work. Especially English, because the only work we had to do was read the books. Everything else was in class so there was literally no homework.
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about AP Lit but if it's mostly reading books... I can deal.
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