I feel so cold. So heartless. So uncaring. Dark. Destructive. Disasterous.
I am trying to be unfeeling, but that is a bit more difficult. I want to be numb again. I need to be numb again. I need to be skinny. Beautiful. I need to be perfect.
Too much feeling is dangerous, and too much qualifes as just about anything. Maybe I can freeze into numb from the outside in, and when it finally reaches my heart, that's when the fun begins. No more hurting. No more thinking. Just.. Empty. Empty is good. Out of focus. But I can get through anything if I'm numb. I'm invincible if I'm numb. Strong.
So let it begin.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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