I am so confused right now..
I want to trust him... But I don't want to trust.
I don't want to open up, for fear of being hurt again.
He can help me... But I do not believe that I am worthy of help. I don't believe that I want it, either.
I want to tell him everything, but I don't want to have it held over my head.
A large part of me does not want to trust him, does not like him, doesn't feel like I'm worth his time. But a small part of me wants to act on a whim and trust him. If no one else, him.
I can't seem to identiry the exact reason I feel that way, so I just shove it past. Once this year is over, I will no longer be tempted to trust him.
I will be free - on my own. Nothing and nobody can hurt me after that. I just need to stay strong and keep the prison gates inside of me locked.
I need to keep myself safe.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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