Jump Right Back Into Stress

Today is my first day back at school since my vacation, and it's been hectic.
When I got the work for the rest of my classes (excusing Forensic Science), it wasn't a lot. I had to read a book, and write an intro for that book. I had a worksheet to do, and I had to prepare for an in-class discussion tomorrow. I had maybe 6 or 7 math assignments to complete, but those don't seem that they will be too hard. I was most worried about Forensic Science, because we do labs. She does a lab a day, basically. I missed a lot there, and unfortunately that is stuff that I have to come in to make up. The only problem with that is that she works at the North Campus (where I study) and the Central Campus so she travels a lot. She doesn't really have any free time for me to make up the labs, except for maybe a half hour before class starts. So I hope that I can start making them up.

I'm stressing because I have a Science Fair project that is a huge thing for Forensics. She said it was worth 60% of our grade, and she is expecting a college level paper, and I am freaking out. It's so bad that every time I start to think about it, all I want to do is sleep, or cut, or smoke weed so I don't have to stress, or distract myself so I don't have to think about it. But I know that I can't do that. I don't know where to go for that, because I need help and guidance but I'm freaking out too much to actually do anything. So I'm working on everything else and avoiding that. Ugh. I hate it.

I don't know if I'm just really emotionally unstable since before I left for vacation or not. But this morning I got a quiz back that I had taken before I left, and I got an 80% on it. I only missed 2 problems, which is why I got such a low grade. Yes, that is a low grade to me. I had to stop myself from freaking out, or crying. I had to remind myself that I could do it better. That it wasn't the end of the world. I need straight A's. That is my goal for this year.
But I have colleges to apply to, essays to write for college, a job to get, a future to plan. I have to keep everything hidden, and not let anyone know that my ED and self harm are consuming my life. I don't know how to stop it from consuming my life... It just is.
My depression always gets worse when school starts back up again, because I feel such a need to be perfect. Such a need to be the best. This is how it is for me.

I'm trying to cope, but only time will tell how good of a job I am really doing.