Mirror Memory Part 2

Everybody is so wrapped up in their self that they don't see what's going on around them.
I try at least to focus more on others than I do myself. Last night I talked a friend out of suicide (at least a little). I have no accurate way to measure if I actually helped, but from the way the conversation went I hope I did.
I tune into my dad's relationship with my roommate. I know they're having issues because of her daughter and there's nothing I can do, but I still catch things that they might not see.
I try to help those around me in any way I can, but.. No. I need to stop. Right here, right now.
I'm not going down that road again.

I need to stop thinking. Especially today. I have finals on Thursday and Friday. I should be studying. But I'm not.
I think about the finals and the fact that I haven't done as well this semester as I could have. Then I start thinking about my past years of high school and I think about how I've failed myself. I think about how I've fallen away from the student I used to be/the daughter I used to be/the granddaughter I used to be/ the friend I used to be. I think and I think because onethoughtleadstoanother and it just grows into destruction. I tear myself down with thoughts like those, and they push me to punch walls, throw things, cut, scream, burn, hit and hate.
That's all I know, that's all I am. And so I guess that's all I shall be, too.