As soon as I got home, I knew that it was gonna happen.
I knew that I had no way of stopping myself, but I also didn't figure how bad it would be. I can't bring myself to even think the number, much less write it down.
I'm starting a 6 day fast tomorrow. As few cals as possible, liquids only. I'm also going to be taking tons of laxies to clear my system off all this disgusting food and hopefully I'll lose some weight. This binge is going to be a metabolism spike, or at least I'll treat it as such.
I am so disappointed in myself. But! It's finals week and therefore the more I starve the better.
I'm in danger in one of my classes, and we have a party tomorrow. So much tempting food.. But no. I will not eat. I am ready to be in control again.
Fuck the world.
I can and will push myself to do this. I refuse to be a failure forever.
Now it's time to "study" before I hop in the shower and finally rest. Today's damage is done, and I need a good night's rest. Especially with my electric blanket. (; It's the best gift ever and I'm so happy that it's mine. ^-^
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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