Friday I worked my first 4 hour shift. It went great and I really didn't mind it. Today was supposed to be my second 4 hour shift.
Today was my second day of working... And I hate it. I was supposed to work 4 - 8, but at 8 as I was getting ready to leave I was told that I had to stay till 11. I didn't think much of it (though I was bombing orders and getting things wrong and whatnot). So I did. At 11, I was told that as a minor I a) wasn't allowed to stay past 10 by law and that I could lose my job and also that according to the schedule I was only supposed to work until 8. So for 6 hours I had no breaks until the last half hour (10:30 - 11) and even then I was cleaning.
I hate that I'm stupid and naive and therefore people can jerk me around. I hate that I kept fucking everything up. I really *didn't* mind working there, but after tonight I'm going to find another job asap and quit this one as soon as I can.
As soon as I left I couldn't hold in my frustrated tears and by the time I got home to my room I couldn't hold it back. Crying felt good, though it hurt.
I don't know what to make of this. I'm angry, I'm so sad and upset that I just want to cry, I'm tired and want to sleep, and I want to get high so I can just calm down.
I hate working, and I hate when people treat me like shit. But where else can I get a job? I barely got this one, and I've only worked two days.
So I guess some thinking is in order to figure this out - because I refuse to be treated like shit.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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