I'm tired of being afraid to trust people.
Of not liking the person I see. Of my life.
The darkness was drowning me last night.. Was? That's not right. Is.
The darness *is* drowning me.
A friend of mine, another blogger, Calla is trying to convince me that life is still worth living.
I argue that it isn't because nothing ever gets better. Things keep pushing me farther and farther away from ever getting the chance to be happy.
I don't remember falling asleep last night. I don't even remember the 6 hours from 12 to when I woke up this morning (late, of course) because I didn't set my alarm.
It hurts to move, and I know I have cuts. But it's all just kind of a blur to me. So my dad was yelling at me because I was late for school, and then when I got halfway to school, as I was trying to transfer busses, they wouldn't let me because they'd given me an invalid transfer.
So I had to call my dad and have him drive me to school - which made him more angry. I hate asking for things from anyone, which is why I would have gladly walked the 4 miles to school.
I just feel really low and really shitty today, and I just want to be no more. I want to stop placing the burden of myself on others.
And only I can do that.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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