Feelin' better..

Earlier today, we had to go to my dad's to take something to my brother, and as I was leaving, I went to grab something from my room, and I just started crying. I mean I don't think it's fair that my dad can say some horrible things to me, and then I have to lose my house, and my room, because of it. See, my room for me is my only place that I can be me in peace. When i'm anywhere else, it's different. Not that I have to be someone else when i'm out and about, but my room is where i'm most comfortable. I was really sad that i'm losing that, and that it doesn't feel like I belong anywhere, like nobody wants me around. But i'm learning to just not give a fuck about that.... Anyways, when I got in the car to go home, I just burst into tears, and I couldn't stop it, nor could I talk. I just cried.

I don't usually cry, unless i'm beyond pissed off, which is really hard to do. But today, crying like that, it felt really good, and it felt like something in me just got released. It felt like I was able to let go of something, or to start on the emotional walls I need to make for a while. It just helped so much! I felt a lot lighter afterwards, and then I was able to talk to my grandpa about it. 

He said that if I just kept at it, did my best, and made sure my dad had nothing to pick at me for, then he would gradually change. That's gonna have to happen a while down the road, because right now, I've got some healing to do. I need to do what's best for me, and right now, that isn't much. I need school, and the distractions it provides, but I also need to do it so that I can have something to work towards. I'm kinda anxious about school, worried. I don't like to be there, because I don't like people. That sounds really weird... but it's true. It's gonna be another year of awkward lunches, tolerating people i'm not fond of, and immaturity.

But on the bright side, i'm gonna be a Junior!! That means I've got 2 years left and I graduate. Then i'm free, baby!!! The first thing i'm gonna do? ROAD TRIP. And i'm gonna camp all the way! It's gonna be great!! That's something i'm looking forward to. I'm not sure how, or where i'm gonna go yet, but when I do, i'll post it here! I'm hoping to go with a friend of mine, but even if I can't, it's gonna be the one thing I do for me, that is going to make me happy beyond everything else! Now i'm just kinda ranting, but that's what my day has been like - emotionally at least.

It was pretty good, considering. (: