Not sure why i'm irritated..

My friend wanted to hang out, and I said sure, because we haven't hung out in forever! But then she suggested that we go to a FOOD FESTIVAL. I mean, c'mon!!!! She knows how hard of a time i'm having right now with my weight and eating, and she suggests going to a food festival.

Ugh.

Normally this wouldn't bother me, I mean, it's just a festival, right? But damn! I've reaches out to her for help, asked her to help me eat right, told her what happens when I eat, asked for her support, etc, and now it doens't feel like she's supporting me.... I mean the other day when she asked how much i'd eaten, and I said I ate, but not a lot, she asked if I truly wanted to get over this thing. I said that I did, and that I wasn't purging anymore, I wasn't self harming, I rarely ever lied about what I ate, and that I was trying to be healthy. If that didn't prove that I wanted to get over it, then what would?

But she just said that I needed to start eating more, that I can't listen to the voice in my head that tells me horrible things when I eat. IF IT WAS THAT SIMPLE, I WOULD NOT HAVE A GOD DAMN EATING DISORDER. I am doing the best that I can, but right now, it seems to be a wee bit harder, and when I wanted someone to understand, well she just tells me to get over it.

I hate this, because then I don't want to reach out to her, I don't want her help, I don't want to confide in her, I don't want anything from her. But what am I supposed to do? She's my best friend. But it doesn't feel like it. And I mean it isn't just the reason why i'm so upset. It's that nobody here seems to be able to understand or somewhat care about what I am going through, and they can't do anything about it. I need someone who can see me, see what I eat, be an outside source. For someone who isn't here to see it, they could accept any lie I tell them about what I ate that day, and most of the time, It's the truth. But sometimes it isn't. They can't see when I need help, they aren't here in person when I need to be alone, and they're just not here.
But it feels like there's nobody that is even willing to help me out, or to be there for me, or try to support me. And that's what I need most right now, I don't think I can do this final part on my own, because i'm just not that strong.... But what choice have I?
I mean, I guess I don't blame them..... but I really really hope that they never have to go through this.. it's the worst thing ever, and i've seen how my friends struggle. They sruggglme more than I did, for some reason, but i've gone backwards more. So I don't ever want to see this happen to them. I hope they live a  happy normal life.
I feel like i'm changing a lot this year. Some of the stuff that I laughed at last year, well I feel like it's annoying now. The stupid things I may have done last year, I just don't want to do it anymore. And I know i'm being a lot more self centered than normal, but I don't seem to care. I'm not stressing too much about school, I seem to be excited about things I couldn't be bothered with. Now, you might say that this is normal, but in reality, I feel like i'm the only one who's changed. Everyone else has seemed to stay the same for the most part. It's weird.
I don't know why I felt the need to write all this down, maybe just because if I can see it I can work through it easier? I hope. Anyways, goodnight.