I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.
I'm supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight but I'm not sure I want to go. I've got a ton of anxiety about it. I don't want anyone to look at me... Because I'm fat.
I am trying hard not to feel resentment towards a friend of mine for what she is - because I know her as a person and she's awesome! So I shouldn't let trivial things get to me.
Easier said than done.
I'm trying to have better days, but it doesn't feel like I am. It feels like I'm just covering everything up, changing nothing.
I didn't post yesterdays intake, officially anyways. Let me just say - it sucked. It was rediculous. It was punishment.
But today is a new day.
I don't even know if I want to try anymore. It feels like I just want to shut down. Stop thinking. Stop caring. Stop trying. Do nothing. Why not?
I'm not sure how to fight anymore. But I keep wishing, keep hoping. Natural instinct, I guess.
But I want to disappear... Forever. From everyone.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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