Food is my enemy.
It always will be - I can not imagine ever not hating it.
I started the Skinny Girl Diet today with a friend, mostly because it's basically restricting. Today was 400 and I totally fucked it up because my dad and S wanted to go to dinner. I ate as little as I can... But the damage is done.
The aftershock? That's only just beginning.
I could do so much to myself right now with the thoughts running through my head.
Anger. Because why the fuck should they be able to control what I eat?
Fear. Because I don't want to be fat and because I don't know the exact amount of calories I had today.
Shame. Because I fucked up. I always fuck up.
Hatred. For not being able to control my life, and everything else.
Disgust. Because I look fucking pregnant because I'm so fat. I hide under hoodies and stuff so other people can't see me. But that doesn't change the fact that *I* see me. I know how fat I am. How worthless.
I'm disgusting and I hate it. I hate me.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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