I am me.

I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.

But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.

My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.

This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Gotta Keep Going!

So I weighed myself this morning. I was a bit nervous because I felt bloated and I felt really disgusting, but I had to know.
I tend not to drink a lot of water, except when I force myself too - and usually it leads to bloating and being disgusting.

So I took a deep breath, stepped on the scale and looked down. The verdict? -2 lbs, again. I honestly don't know how I'm doing it, because I'm neither eating or exercising that much. Maybe that's the trick though it hasn't ever worked this way before. Either way, I'm not complaining.

So having lost the 4 lbs I have in the last week or so, I have 2.4 lbs left to lose to reach my goal for October. I have 3 days to do it. Think I can do it?
I sure hope so.

In other news, this morning as I was riding the bus to school, I did something quite stupid and embarrassing. At the time, I wanted to cry because I was embarrassed, but now I think it's kind of funny.
So as I was getting off the bus, there's a part of the sidewalk where the 2 squares meet. They weren't even, and I didn't realize how I had stepped until I had. I fell face planted and what do you know? There were about 4 or 5 other people waiting at that bus stop. They all saw it. The bus driver saw it. People on the bus saw it. People asked me if I was okay, and I told them I was and walked quickly away.
Long story short, I skinned my knees pretty badly and tore holes in both knees of my jeans. I had to call someone to bring me a pair of sweatpants that I could change into because I ripped my pants. And now, almost 3 hours later, I'm laughing with all of you who probably are too. xD
That's my exciting news for the day. At first I thought that today was going to be shitty, despite that I had lost 2 lbs. But actually, today isn't going too badly. I hope I don't jinx myself with that.

Yesterday I spoke too soon when I said I had no homework. Turns out that in 1 week I have a midterm type thing for a class. I only found out yesterday, so I've got a lot of studying to do. Especially since I am dropping that class after this semester, that means that whatever grade I end this semester with, will be my final grade for that class. Guess I better start trying harder. Aaaannnd....... It's back to studying!

Food and exercise are going well for me right now, as you can see. Even today, though it's only 11am, I'm doing well. I don't want to speak too soon though, so I'll post my intake later tonight.
Now it's off to eat something for breakfast, and head to my last class of the day (though it's about 3 hours long). Sometimes, I wonder what the point of school is. But most days, because I like what I'm studying, it goes quickly. I still can't wait to graduate, or to be 18 though! xD



2 comments:

  1. I'm glad that you're having a good day so far. And congrats on another 2lbs down. You're doing awesome. Keep up the good work. Love you.
    XOXO

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