"How can you understand me when I can't understand myself?"

At the same time, it's impossible to ever understand someone entirely. And therefore you'll never know the whole story.

I've started reading 13 Reasons Why. This is one of my favorite books, and at the moment, and for quite a while I imagine, I can identify with Hannah Baker.
With the way she sees things, thinks, and just everything.

"But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head."

A few days ago, I couldn't stop thinking. No matter what I was doing, I thought. Now, I can't think anything. Or if I do, it's entirely meaningless. My head is empty; quiet.

"When you try rescuing someone, and discover that they can't be reached, why would you ever throw that back in their face?"

Whenever someone makes a negative comment about me, I never refute it. I just let it go, but silently agree with them in my head.
Other than my blog, nobody ever really knows how low I can get. And I hope to keep it that way.

"That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible."
This quote is perfect.

I don't know if I want someone to pull me out of this. I don't think I deserve it. I'm angry, and i'm hurting. I want to find someone who wants to fight for me. I want to throw out every excuse I have, try with everything I have to push that person away, but then have them still standing there in the end. Someone who truly means it when they say they're not walking away. Someone to find me and save me from myself.
But I keep telling myself that I don't want saving.

I guess even I don't know myself.
And I really don't want saving.
I just want to go.
That thought comforts me.
Knowing I won't be here much longer.
Knowing I can do something for myself.
and knowing that maybe... Finally... I might have a chance at happiness.
Whatever that is.