Feeling low..

But what else is new?

So I went in to talk to F this morning. Only to find out that he isn't here. He's sick, and he went to the doctor. Which is fine and all. I totally understand.
In my mind.

Emotionally, it's a mess. I can't really even accurately describe it. I feel rejected, embarrassed, angry. I feel guilty too. I was supposed to talk to him about my attendance, which got fixed anyways. But while I was sitting there, S, my old counselor asked me if I wanted to talk. Because she thought I was there waiting for her. I just told her that I was waiting to talk to F, and explained about the attendance, but not the other stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but I still feel really guilty. I can't explain it, and I don't understand why.
I had my day planned out, and I hate when things change. When things don't go my way.
I'm so stressed out and stretched so thin that I just want to run into a corner and lay there forever. I just want to cry. It's such an irrational reaction. But I can't handle this much stress, I can't do it. I was in such a good mood this morning. Everything was fine. Then just like that, my mood dropped. I just want to go home, lay in my bed, and not think.

I have so much work to do. I have barely done anything for the past few weeks. If I could just get it done and out of the way, everything would be easier. But it's like I sit down and I start to work, but then I can't do anything and I just sit there and stare at the page for what feels like forever. I don't have the work ethic or motivation. I don't have the energy. I just can't focus. My head is screaming out at me that I need to do all these things, because it isn't that hard. But everything else, is just empty. I don't feel anything. I can't think straight. I can't do anything.

I wish everything could end.