Today with my mom was... Awesome.
I spent like 7 hours with her, and it was just *nice*.
There is no hate lurking in the corners, no anger splattered on the walls, no grudges within the people. It's just peaceful. Which is something I guess I needed.
I've felt genuinely happy for the first time in a while. All the while I was there (7 hours) I didn't think about how fat I am, how much I hate myself, wanting to cut, wanting to die... None of it. I was simply in the moment.
Going back to where she lived, there weren't any of the negative memories I might have thought would be there. That city has changed so much in the 6 or 7 years since I've been there. I hardly recognized anything.
We didn't do much. We hung out, talked, shared music, she gave me some jewelry. She gave me a lot of rings, which I added to a necklace to make it mine, a few glass eggs which help relieve stress, some papers on the Native American ways (my brother R is a follower of the Native ways, and I'm so curious to learn everything I can. Even if I don't believe in it myself, I think it's cool.)
I guess I didn't realize how many similarities my mom and I share. We're both into Wicca, we both like some of the same music, we both have ED's, we both self harm (or in her case she did at one time), we both share some of the same views, we both like to read. I mean, it's just crazy.
She gave me some weed (which I wasn't expecting, but I appreciate), and she made me genuinely happy. Maybe it was the yellow walls. xD
Anyways, my point is, I had a good day. For the most part. It was nice to get away, to see her, get to know her a little bit. Just nice to be anywhere else. Y'know? So overall, it was a pretty good day. I met her boyfriend/roommate or whatnot, and he's pretty chill. I'd love to do it again, and maybe sometime I will. (:
So that's the good part of my day! :D
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
Sound so nice, you have a great mom to pull you back to the light's side for a change. Hold on to that and find more places and people who give you that feeling.
ReplyDeletexxx
That would be true, yeah. Bu I have such a hard time testing people that it's nearly impossible for me to make friends, or be social. Something which I might want to work on, but I just don't know how. Xx
DeleteSounds great! It's always interesting to discover how like our parents we are. I'm usually embarrassed when people say I look just like my mom or I discover that we have the same interests in things. I'm glad you can appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that. Nobody want to be like their parents. I get embarrassed and defensive when people tell me that I'm like my dad. I guess I don't mind being similar to my mom because nobody else sees it.
DeleteDo you have any similarities with your dad?
Sooo glad you had a good day!! You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Xx how are you?
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