I've realized words in my mind that I cannot speak. They are the end. Were they to take form in this world, this physical world, it would be the end of everything.. Everything.
Yet as I try to hold them in, hide them, change them, force them down.. I can feel them beating against my lips. Filling my mouth so full it's nearly impossible not to choke on them.
I see them in the perfectly straight lines I draw upon my arm. In the art of marking myself with the pain.
I see them in my actions, actions that scream words like
Pathetic
Weak
Stupid
Worthless
Ugly
I see them in the way that I walk, one wrong step after another.
I see them - everywhere. Yet I deny them, try to shove them down.
Those 3 words, words of failure, of disgrace, of humiliation. Of weakness.
I will do everything to keep them hidden.
They are not to take form.
They would be the end of me.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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